I'm learning to let go...

Photography

2008-04-21T20:04:00.014+01:00

So I've decided that there would in fact be too much to write here right now because there is way to much going on in life right now that it would take this blog and a few more for me to cover everything! Therefore, I've decided to show some photos that I've been working on to make them more 'professional' so below are the 'before' and 'after' pics.

1. Java Cycle- Route 66, Williams,Az

2.Czech Sunset,Malenovice

3.St Vitus Cathedral,Prague.

5.Vltava River landscape,Prague.

6. Charles Bridge 7am,Prague.

I don't actually have the original file for this photo anymore before it was edited. :(

7.Crazy McKeown, September 2007

8.Its Back advert,Glasgow.

Thankful.

2007-12-08T22:29:00.000Z

1. That God loves me unconditionally and is still close even when I think He's far.

2. I'm thankful that God has placed amazing people in my life who love and care for me.

3. That God sent Jesus around this time of year, who later died...but rose again. He's ALIVE!

4. That I have running hot water and heat.

5. That I woke up this morning and have been given one more day to live.

6. That God has blessed me with a family.

7. That I am part of a bigger picture and plans that exceed any of my dreams.

8. That God does not live in any church.

9. That I have the oppurtunity to be light in a world of darkness.

10. That it doesn't matter how I feel right now there is still hope for tomorrow.

Offer number one

2007-11-15T21:40:00.000Z

I recieved a letter from UCAS today.

So I got an offer from Glasgow Uni to do Theology and Religious Studies on the condition I get ABB.

Scarey bickies.

Is this where you want me to go God?

Coz I'd love to go there!

Ben Stein from USA CBS

2007-11-06T15:36:00.000Z

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.

My confession:

I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a crche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this happen?" (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response.

She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?" In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc.

I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.

Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about.

And we said OK.Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.Are you laughing?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.Pass it on if you think it has merit.

If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.

My Best Regards. Honestly and respectfully,

Ben Stein

Two Realms

2007-10-15T16:58:00.000+01:00

I love Velvet Elvis. It has revealed so much to me and the reason it has taking me so long to read is because I read a bit and then think and meditate on it. So yesterday in church (yea, when I was meant to be listening) I read this bit.....

Two Realms.

Now if there is a life of heaven, and we can choose it, then there's also another way. A way of living out of sync with how God created us to live. The word for this is hell: a way, a place, a realm absent of how God desires things to be. We can bring heaven to earth; we can bring hell to earth.

For Jesus, heaven and hell were present realities. Ways of living we can enter into here and now. He talked very little of the life beyond this one because he understood that the life beyond this one is a continuation of the kinds of choices we maker here and now.

For Jesus, the question wasn't, how do I get into heaven? but how do I bring heaven here?

The question wasn't, how do I get in there? But how do I get there, here?

True spirituality then is not about escaping this world to some other place where we will be forever. A Christian is not someone who expects to spend forever in heaven there. A Christian is someone who anticipates spending forever here, in a new heaven that comes to earth.

The goal isn't escaping this world but making this world the kind of place God can come to. And God is remaking us into the kind of people who can do this kind of work. pg 148-149 (selected parts)

***************
ME again: So what I think it boils down to is heaven VS hell on earth. Everyday we have the choice as to whether we decide to bring heaven to earth or hell.

Everyday.

The simple things. Such as when your friends are gossiping about someone you but in and say something really positive about them. I can choose to obey my parents rather than disobey etc. Its the small and the big choices that help to advance heaven on earth rather than hell.

I think I need to start choosing to advance heaven with the small things now, so that later in life I can handle and recongise the big.

***************

T'shuva

The remaking of this world ia why Jesus' first messages began with 'T'shuva, for the kingdom has come near.'

The Hebrew word t'shuva means "to return". return to the people we were originally created to be. The people God is remaking us into.

God makes us in his image. We reflect the beauty and creativity and wonder of the God who made us. And Jesus calls us to return to our true selves. The pure, whole people God originally intended us to be, before we veered off course.

Somewhere in you is whom you were made to be.

We need you to be you.

We don't need a second anybody. We need the first you.

The problem is that the image of God is deeply scarred in each of us, and we lose trust in God's version of our story. We achieve and we push and we shop and we work out and we accomplish great things, longing to repair the image. Longing to find an identity that feels right.

Longing to be comforatable in our own skin.

But the thing we are searching for is not somewhere else. It is right here. And we can only find it when we give up the search, when we surrender, when we trust. Trust that God is already putting us back together.

Trust that through dying to the old, the new can give birth.

Trust that Jesus can repair the scarred and broken image.

It is trusting that I am loved. That I always have been. That I always will be. I don't have to do anything. I don't have to prove anything or achieve anything or accomplish one more thing. That exactly as I am, I am totally accepted, forgiven and trhere is nothing I could ever do to lose this acceptance.

God knew exactly what he was doing when he made you. There are no accidents. We need you to embrace your true identity, who you are in Christ, letting this new awareness transform your life.

That is what Jesus had in mind.

That is what brings heaven to earth.

This is our invitation. To trust that we don't owe anything. To trust that something is already been done, something has been there all along.

To trust that grace pays the bill. pg150-152.

****************

This book is truely amazing and it feels like God makes me read it when he's trying to tell me something. I mean that last section is what I'm trying to deal with right now. It blows my mind.

You gotta read it. I'm considering buying this book for so many people for Christmas!

I'm not alright.

2007-10-11T17:09:00.000+01:00

Usually, I don't blog about what's really going on deep down inside of me. I never wear my heart on my sleeve but at the same time I'm so vunerable. I don't even really know why I'm saying any of this and I'll be shocked if I actually get this posted.

But I'm lost.

With life, people, in school work and chiefly from God.

I don't even know how to explain how I feel right now.

Numb.

I guess.

It's like I'm at the valley of a mountain and screaming at the top of my lungs but sound isn't actually coming out.

There are so many thoughts flying around my head and I can't stop them. I haven't been able to stop them since Czech.

I feel even more screwed up since I've been to Czech. Coz before hand I did such a great job of hiding everything and putting things out of my mind but now I don't seem to be able to.

Each time I get hit with something else that brings me down I run the opposite direction from God's arms.

But I just don't even understand why he's there with open arms!? I mean he sees my actions and knows all my thoughts so why is he still there and still wanting to help?!? I really feel like my grip on God's hand is slipping and I kinda feel like letting go.

But a part of me is saying no you can't. Do you really think life will be better without God in your life?

I just don't know anymore.

Today I was reminded of this sweet ass song though.....

V1 If weakness is a wound
That no-one wants to speak of
Then cool is just how far we have to fall
And I am not immune;
I only wanna be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall
Can I loose my need to impress?
If you want the truth- I need to confess

* CHORUS
I'm not alright,
I'm broken inside, broken inside;
And all I go through,
it leads me to You
It leads me to You

V2 Burn away the pride
Bring me to my weakness
Till everything to hide behind is gone
When I'm open wide
With nothing left to cling to
Only You are there to lead me on
Cause honestly, I'm not that strong

And now I'm moved, and now I'm moved, and now I'm moved (closer to you)
And now I'm moved, and now I'm moved, and now I'm moved (closer to you)
And now I'm moved, and now I'm moved, and now I'm moved (closer to you)
And now I'm moved, and now I'm moved, and now I'm moved I'm not alright,

I'm broken inside,
broken inside
Ohhhhhhhh broken inside, broken inside;

And all I go through, it leads me to You
It leads me to You I'm not alright, I'm not alright, I'm not alright
That's why I need you.

Roma

2007-10-06T13:50:00.000+01:00

Rome was pretty awesome. There was a lot of good bant to be had and I don't think I would have enjoyed it as much if it had not been for the people I was with. But I do have to say I was disappointed with Rome, it didn't live up to my expectations. It's quite dirty, the italian men well are completely sleezey, the food on a whole was pretty awful, the traffic is scarey and nothing is in one place. I mean there is no actual center or square everything is spread out. Which meant we walked on average 13 miles a day. The trip felt so long when in actual fact it was only 3 days long. God revealed a lot to me particularly on the plane ride over, I was reading Velvet Elvis and boy, its such good stuff. Thats why it's taking me so long to read. But I felt the need to share it with someone and so that night I was talking to my friend Helen,who I had planned to read it to. Then our two other room mates came back from hanging in other people's rooms and I said 'O you're just in time for a little story.' Our teachers then later came in and I said 'aww you're just in time for a bed time story.' And she asked 'What's it about?' And I was like 'Em-Salvation.' She laughed. And then in the morning asked how my sermon went! But it became our little tradition and I read to them every night before we went to sleep. Random. LoL!

But I took a lot of photos...although a lot of them didn't really turn out very well coz we didn't have a lot of time to stop and take what I would call 'proper' photos. So here a few of the best ones....

Termini Station...right across from our hotel

Megan and myself knealing to pray in St.Clement Chapel

The Collesuem

Trevi Fountain-9.30am

Ha..erm me pointing at Trevi Fountain

Spanish Steps home to shops such as Dior,D&G,Versace,Lous Vittion etc.

Megan and I on the Spanish Steps

First authentic italian pizza

It was yummy!

Pantheon-used to be a temple of the gods then it turned into a Christian church

Remains of the Old Roman Empire

Inside the Colleseum

Constantine Arch

Underground Dungeons of the Colleseum

Awful food but amazing company

Trevi Fountain-10pm

The girlies

Corridor of Statues-Vatican Museum

Hall of upside down maps-Vatican Museum

Micalandio Sisten Chapel-We weren't allowed to take photos, but hey we broke the rules

Sisten Chapel again-dodgey photography but we didn't wanna be chucked out! LoL!

The Popes house

St.Peter's Vatican City

The whole group at Vatican City

When in Rome...drink Caffe Freddo (Cold Coffee)

Megan et moi

Vogue Pose!

Pope Pose Photo

Our 1st expresso

Megan had had enough after number 3, whereas I could have stuck another 3!

Eating fresh coconut with Shivs (Rachel Shivers)

Sunday Christian

2007-09-23T15:24:00.000+01:00

Due to recent events, I've been thinking....

.

Am I just a Sunday Christian?

.

Waking up on a Sunday morning forcing myself to get up and get dressed up. Go to Bible Class, listen to the weekly gossip and contently listen to the message in Bible Class, not daring to question one thing I've heard. I make my way over to church trying to not to be too paranoid as I walk in and certain people take a mental registration of my attendance. As I take my seat I paint on a smile and try to pay attention. Trying to sing with joy, I try to pray but I've found a new way of doing this....basically not! I read the bible just for reading it, not because I believe its going to change my life or thinking but because its part of the service. During the sermon I tune out either by reading or by staring into space thinking is this t?

.

The worst of it is, I thought I'd changed. I thought I'd be able to live out what I'd learnt in the Czech Republic. But I've failed. Which was one of my worst fears about coming home. I try to get by during the week just praying to God before I go to sleep...which ends up with me falling asleep. Or when I'm worried and stressed. I've begun to live my life my way....AGAIN! I think I can do everything myself, without God. Mainly because I don't believe I deserve his mercy, grace and help. And I think I can do it myself.

.

I've never felt more lonely, because after being in Czech...I now know what I'm missing. But I don't know how to get it back.

.

But will I get it back if I go to SU, if I go to Raffrey, if I go to mannafest, summer madness or in fact the Czech Republic...I doubt it. Coz maybe it's not gone at all....more like its me thats lost.

.

I guess deep down I have an idea how to get it (and by 'it' I mean my relationship with God) back the question is- Do I really want it?

.

Sorry guys, I doubt any of this even makes sense! I've just found myself blabbering on!!

School...my favourite topic-NOT!

2007-09-17T16:53:00.000+01:00

So I think I'll just start with a lovely conversation that I had with one of my 'friends' today.

.

We were walking into the assembly hall, as I was planning to meet my friend Sarah for lunch. Helen asked me as we were walking through....
'Are you going to SU today?'
'No I don't think I am, coz I didn't really enjoy it last year.' To which she replied...
'SINNER!'
'I don't see why I should go when I don't enjoy it and I don't think that gives anyone the right to say I'm not a Christian.' Then I walked off.
.

I was really angry. I mean this is meant to be one of my sisters in Christ. I hate it when Christians get up on their high horse! I mean yea, I know its so easy to do sometimes. But I have been nothing but nice to this girl even though all of my other friends ignore her.

.

My general rant is not complete. Because I am doing 4 subjects this year (for now) I don't get careers on in my timetable. Last week we got these forms with our predicted grades and a table to fill in your 5 course options...there was no date to say when we had to hand it in so I called in to see Mr O'Hara during one of my study periods (which I don't get many off) to ask when. He completely didn't know what I was talking about and just started to talk about when our UCAS forms have to be completed..............................ehhhhh and that scared me!!! It has to be done by next Friday, yea NEXT Friday (28th). And I have to do it myself coz I don't get time in school. AAAGGGHHHHHHH!!!! So tell me when I should I stop freaking out?!?

.

Lets try never!

Captivating

2007-09-10T19:46:00.000+01:00

Celebrate guys....this is my 70th post! Woohoo! (*cough* ahem maybe not!)

Read and meditate on this....

"THE OFFER"

Stasi and I lived many years of our Christian life in good churches, churches that taught us the place of worship and sacrifice, faith and suffering, and gave us a love for the Word of God. But in all those years the central ministry of Jesus was never explained to us. We understood, as most Christians do, that Christ came to ransom us from sin and death, to pay the price for our transgressions through his blood shed on the cross so that we might be forgiven, might come home to the Father.

It's true. It's so wonderfully true. Only...there is more.

The purposes of Jesus Christ are not finished when one of his precious ones is forgiven. Not at all. Would a good father feel satisfied when his daughter is rescued from a car accident, but left in ICU? Doesn't he want her to be healed as well? So God has much more in mind for us. Listen to this passage from Isaiah (it might help to read it very slowly, carefully, out loud to yourself)...

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,

because the LORD has anointed me

to preach good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners,

To proclaim the year of the LORD's favor

and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

And provide for those who grieve in Zion

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair. (61:1-3)

This is the passage that Jesus pointed to when he began his ministry here on earth. Of all the Scriptures he could have chosen, this is the one he picked on the day he first publicly announced his mission. It must be important to him. It must be central. What does it mean? It's supposed to be really good news, that's clear. It has something to do with healing hearts, setting someone free. Let me try and state it in words more familiar to us.

God has sent me on a mission.

I have some great news for you.

God has sent me to restore and realease something.

And that something is you.

I am here to give you back your heart and set you free.

I am furious at the Enemy who did this to you, and I will fight against him.

Let me comfort you.

For,dear one,I will bestow beauty upon you

where you have known only devastation.

Joy, in places of your deep sorrow.

And I will robe your heart in thankful praise

in exchange for your resignation and despair.

Now that is an offer worth considering. What if it were true? I mean, what if Jesus really could and would do this for your broken heart, your wounded feminine soul? Read it again, and ask him, Jesus-is this true for me? Would you do this for me?

He can, and he will....if you'll let him.

You are the glorious Image Bearer of the Lord Jesus Christ-the crown of his creation. You have been assaulted. You have fallen to your own resources. Your Enemy has seized upon your wounds and your sins to pin your heart down. Now the Son of God has come to ransom you, and heal your broken, wounded, bleeding heart, and to set you free from bondage. He came for the brokenhearted captives. That's me. That's you. He came to restore the glorious creation you are. And then set you free...to be yourself.

The LORD their God will save them on that day

as the flock of his people.

They will sparkle in his land

like jewels in a crown.

How attractive and beautiful they will be! (Zech. 9:16-17)

Here is the core reason we wrote this book: to let you know that the healing of your feminine heart is avaliable, and to help you find that healing. To help you find the restoration which we long for and which is central to Jesus' mission. Let him take you by the hand now and walk with you through your restoration and realease.

Taken from Captivating- unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul. pg 93-96Written by: John and Stasi Eldredge.

This book has been tough to read so far, and tough to swallow but its been worth pushing myself to read it. I encourage all women to read this amazing and potentionally life changing book. And men to not despair there is one for you guys too called Wild at heart.

Read and re-read this offer (as I will). It's one worth meditating on and talking to God about!

Union Jack

2007-08-25T22:15:00.001+01:00

I was sitting in Saintfield today waiting to be picked up from being out with the Sf crew. As many of you probably know today was the Black. Which if anyone understands what that is then you can kindly let me know! I try to avoid such parades especially the 12th I destest them! Much to my family's discust. But while sitting there listening to my ipod, bus upon bus kept driving past with people who had obviously been to the parade.

I watched as this mini-van displayed across the bonit a huge union jack flag and I began to sob. Something just hit me...why does this symbol have to seperate so many people? Both sides as bad as each other I know. But many on either side fully understand why they're fighting. Was it not religion that originally caused this split? If so then religion is not the cause any longer. It's just pure hatred. Both sides rubbing in each other's face their patrotism to their country through prideful parades. Bottom line there are many on both sides that are totally unaware of God's Amazing, Graceful, Unconditional Love for them. Each and every single person....protestant or catholic. They all deserve to have a relationship with Him. And this is what they're meant to be fighting about these small mis-interpretations about what they think is religion. Even though we don't need religion we just need an honest relationship with God. But doesn't everyone deserve to be shown their mistakes or mis-interpretations with Love rather than fighting?

I know recently that Norn Iron took a huge step within it's political status leaders from both sides have stood up together and began to share power to start on the road of peace. I think this road is going to be a long one. It will take years before the peace actually reaches the hearts of people in this country. Changing and breaking down traditions can be a long process here. People don't like change (although I think this is universal too!) Is there hope for future generations? That not only the physical peace barriers can be taken down but also the physiological and emotional? God is their hope for our country?

A very fitting song just at the moment I was thinking about this came on my shuffle....

Yes...I cant believe the news today

Oh, I cant close my eyes and make it go away

How long...How long must we sing this song?

How long? how long...cause tonight...we can be as one

Tonight...

Broken bottles under childrens feet

Bodies strewn across the dead end street

But I wont heed the battle call

It puts my back up

Puts my back up against the wall

Sunday, bloody sunday

Sunday, bloody sunday (sunday bloody sunday...)(allright lets go!)

And the battles just begun

Theres many lost, but tell me who has won

The trench is dug within our hearts

And mothers, children, brothers, sisters torn apart

Sunday, bloody sunday

How long...How long must we sing this song?

How long? how long...cause tonight...we can be as one

Tonight...Tonight...

Sunday, bloody sunday (tonight)

TonightSunday, bloody sunday (tonight)(come get some!)

Wipe the tears from your eyes

Wipe your tears away

I wipe your tears away(sunday, bloody sunday)

I wipe your blood shot eyes(sunday, bloody sunday

)Sunday, bloody sunday (sunday, bloody sunday)

Sunday, bloody sunday (sunday, bloody sunday)(here I come!)

And its true we are immune

When fact is fiction and tv reality

And today the millions cry

We eat and drink while tomorrow they die

The real battle yet begun (sunday, bloody sunday)

To claim the victory Jesus won (sunday, bloody sunday)

On...Sunday bloody sunday

Sunday bloody sunday...

Photo and Video Update

2007-08-15T05:18:00.000+01:00

These are a few of my favourites so far....some from L.A and some from The Canyon and Williams!! Enjoy........

For some reason the html stuff is totally screwed up so to czech out my video go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYRUlmKp4pI trust me its worth a viewing!! If ya have a look let me know what ya think and watch it 'til the end...I think the credits are rather comical!! Also, random fact...it's called Part 2 coz there is a Part 1 but I got this one done first! Lol!

Miss and Love you all!

Moving on

2007-08-10T07:37:00.001+01:00

This is my last night here in L.A.

It's been fun but not without it's troubles too.

Loneliness has crept into my view.

I feel empty.

Again.

I've had way too much time to think this week and I realised through mass brain washing from good olde disney...that....I don't have a dream for my life. There's nothing I've kinda grasped onto for my life. I don't have a goal right now. As the result date grows closer I begin to panic, coz I know when I go back I'm gonna have teachers (career ones in particular) breathing down my neck for me to make decisions. But I don't know what to decide!!!!! AGGGH! Sorry, ok don't worry about that now.

I wish I had a dream that I could see through.

But anyways a little random story about today....We went to Laguna beach (pretty near Newport beach) It's a beautiful little coastal town, great restuarants and quinte little boutiques with one of a kind, unqiue items. Matthew wanted to go to the beach so dad and I left mum to it (or should I say mom?!). We where walking along and spotted a Presbyterian church...then two people (one who looked like the minister) talking to a lady who was filling in a questionnaire type thing.

I said to dad 'there's a nice place to have a church meeting, it looks like she is planning to take communion, get baptised or become a member.' To which he replied saying...'when are you going to become a member?' Ha, I'd been waiting for this question all year. I said 'I don't want to become a member coz it'll make me feel like I'm stuck and leave to go somewhere else.' He replied 'you can become a member and leave whenever you wish.' Long pause. I shot back rather defensively 'Well I'm not going to become a member just 'coz you want me to.' End of conversation.

Tomorrow we leave for Phoenix again where we will get off the plane and drive down to the Grand Canyon for 4-5 days. I really hope I have internet access, coz signal for moblies aren't great! Please let there be some way to communicate with ya'll back home!!! Sorry this post has been rather scaddy and all over the place.

Absence.

2007-08-03T00:39:00.000+01:00

Hey there!

Sorry for such a late update. I just haven't been able to find the time to catch up with my blogging. And I'm going to hold you all in suspense....as I'm still processing my trip to the Czech Republic I am going to blog and show photos at a later date. I'm sure you're all very disappointed! Ah yea right!

I'm currently sitting out on the patio of the villa we are staying in, in Phoenix and I'm melting...no joke. I decided today that I'd have a lazy day. Mum, dad and Matt are away to visit some native american muesem but I didn't fancy that so instead I'm catching up on stuff here. My lazy day is complete with pj bottoms...seriously if you live in pj's I would. I love them. I've been here since Sunday and it's been good. I'm finding it so tough being with my family it was so much easier being away with the team, I could be who I am and open and honest but not around my family eh-eh. There is yet another mask I put on. But anyways enough of that deep stuff that's for me to think about and deal with.

Ok so two things I love about america...are the two shops Old Navy and of course Wal Mart. My first day in Wal Mart I bought 12 new CD's all of which are now on my ipod! Whoop whoop! Along with these really cool t-shirts that where like $5-$6 each! So like what £2.50-£3.00...yea I even beat Primark prices.....

You can't really see what the care bear one says...it reads 'I'm better when I'm grumpy.'

Basically all we've done is gone shopping, hung out at the hotel and went for meals. We met with a couple of dad's friends on Monday night which was good but we were falling asleep at the dinner table! The flight was ok. The movies where good, I got to see Blades of Glory-HILAROUS....my love for Will Ferrell grows stronger and Amazing Grace- one word Amazing! I haven't really taken very many photos and I was going to venture out to take photos of the complex but I really can't be bothered anymore. I still have to pick out my clothes that I want to take to L.A with us. We leave tomorrow. Excited to see Hollywood. And can't wait for Disney...but it may be rather boring considering I'm like the only person who will venture onto any of the rides. See this is why friends come in handy. So here are some of the feeble photos I've taken the past couple of days,they're really just from a restuarant. I can't get used to going in for a meal at like 7 and coming out say and hour later and it's pitch black.....so here ya go,don't be holding your breath they're only of us....

Yes, I wish we were drunk! See the discust on my mum's face that I'm actually hugging her!

Sober! LOL!
Matt admiring himself!

Well I think that's all for now. My world is rather boring right now. I know you're all saying your in freakin' America lighten up....yea, I just don't feel like being here right now.

Dreaming

2007-07-05T01:07:00.000+01:00

We leave for the Czech Republic in like what, 3 days?! Wow! That's exciting. See how I'm avoiding the word scary here?! No I've decided to look at it this way....it's an exciting adventure that I don't know if I'll ever get the chance to do over again so I gotta make the most of every second. While keeping in mind the 'golden rule' (i guess you could put it) 'you can't make it tough enough for me to complain.' Isn't that right Paul?! Lol.

I guess the real reason I'm blogging is to share the dream that I had last night. Which surprisely enough involved me being in Czech! Basically, my dad died while I was over there. And I couldn't decide what to do, whether to go home or stay. Coz I knew dad would want me to continue God's work but my mum would want me home for the funeral. Even typing that is making me well up! The dream was just so vivid. Like I was really there. And the funeral was really happening. I remember seeing all the people, some of them I was thinking 'what the hell are you here for?' I.E the ones who screwed my dad's business over right under his nose. This is totally random but I remember (this must have been while I was still in Czech) just crying on Paul's shoulder for ages. It was as if my body was draining every single drop of tears out of me. After that its a blur, I think I woke up and was like its not real, its not real.

If that happened I wouldn't even know where to begin to pick up the pieces. If my dad just suddenly wasn't there. What would I do? He's my dad, the one who pokes fun at me but at the same time builds me up. I can't live without him. God I'm not ready to let go of him so please don't let this happen.

Right now I'm having a really deep spiritual conversation with a girl I went to Saintfield with coz this guy from our class- James Stewart was just in a car wreck and has been in a coma until today. This has sparked a flame with her and she's just pumping out questions to me. I hope I'm doing ok. Maybe God is preparing me for something?! Hmm...I wonder?!?

She's asked:
"r u content wif ur life?"
To which I replied:
"yea most of the time but like everyone I get frustrated coz I just dont understand. but its coz im not focusing on God's will for my life but my own."
She said
"yeh i jst didnt fink ther wos ne1 that wos content wif ther life n didnt wnt a bit more"
I said:
"im not gonna lie of course there are times and its just when im whollowing in self pity that i feel like that but its only a flashing moment and then its gone. life is too precious to dwell on something that might or might not happen"
Then she asked:
"do u fink god sends ppl to hell that r genuinely nice people havent murdered ne1 stolen nefing bt mayb dnt do everyfing by that bible lyk dey hav sex b4 marriage or sumit."
To which I replied:
"ok thats difficult to answer but i will give it stab. God is a just and fair God. if he has laid the oppurtunity before anyone to become a follower of his after a while he will stop asking. by what the bible says sin is not held in levels. no sin is worse than the other, they are all equal. and being 'good/nice' cannot get you to heaven. It's God's saving grace and salvation not any of our good works. he will ask 'what did you do with my son?'
She said:
"rach that reli means sumit to me. im not bn funny ere bt hav u seriously ever thot of bn like a minister or sumit n tlkin to ppl about god bcos ive gone to gb all my life n wnt sunday skul yet nothins ever made so much sense as wot u jst z."

And so the questions keep on coming. You have know idea how excited I am for what God is doing for her. This is one of my Saintfield Sweeties and it'd be so awesome to see what God has install for her.

I never blogged about this at the time but a couple of weeks ago I went away with two of the most amazing girls I've ever met (Sarah and Megan from Welly boots) to my caravan to celebrate our exams finishing. We crammed a lot into 3 days and I've created a sort movie of the main highlights. Coz we took loads of photos, I mean I filled my memory card with photos and movie clips from those three days. Check out the video thing and let me know what ya think. This is what I've been working on ALL night.

- Flash Player Installation&MMplayerType=ActiveX&MMredirectURL=http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?MyProfile=Y&adVars=site=bebo&area=userhomepages&vl=gb&va=17&vg=f&pa=17&pg=f&channel=people&wmode=window&autoPlay=false&file=http://download.videoegg.com/gid329/cid1124/L9/AA/1183589600PSDZWABpXLBLGK4FEpxo&rootUrl=http://update.videoegg.com/flash/player&swfpath=http://update.videoegg.com/flash/proxy.swf?jsver=1.4" quality="high" allowFullScreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" scale="noscale" wmode="window" width="355" height="299" name="VE_Player" align="middle" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer">

Please pray guys for my Saintfield sweetie-Courtney, for Bubba and for Czech!

Peace&Love

Czech and V7 bbq

2007-06-25T00:17:00.000+01:00

Today I had so much fun! I had the V7 team from Colorado and the Czech team over for a bbq at my house. It was awesome. It was nice to just hang out and play crazy games. Plus of course taking photos! Which I'm gonna share with ya'll. I wanna thank everyone who provided food, made themselves avaliable and made it such a fun day! But thanks to my dear mummy who worked her butt off (some of it uneccessary but that's my mum!) she was awesome!

I'm gonna miss the V7 team a lot. They're so much fun and I've really enjoyed all the time I've spent with them the past sort of week and a bit! Thanks guys for your efforts and enthusiasm. You've touched many this week!

Enough of me talking for a moment lets see the pictures (I hear ya'll say!These are just my favourties!).......

Praise is rising, eyes are turning to You

we turn to You

Hope is stirring, hearts are yearning for You,

we long for You

'Cause when we see You,

we find strength to face the day

In Your Presence all our fears are washed away,

washed away

Hosanna, hosanna

You are the God Who saves us,

worthy of all our praises

Hosanna, hosanna

Come have Your way among us

We welcome You here, Lord Jesus

Hear the sound of hearts returning to You

we turn to You

In Your Kingdom broken lives are made new,

You make us new

'Cause when we see You,

we find strength to face the day

In Your Presence all our fears are washed away,

washed away

Hosanna, hosanna

You are the God Who saves us,

worthy of all our praises

Hosanna, hosanna

Come have Your way among us

We welcome You here, Lord Jesus

'Cause when we see You,

we find strength to face the day

In Your Presence all our fears are washed away

'Cause when we see You,

we find strength to face the day

In Your Presence all our fears are washed away,

washed away

Hosanna, hosanna

You are the God Who saves us,

worthy of all our praises

Hosanna, hosanna

Come have Your way among us

We welcome You here, Lord Jesus

I thank God for this amazing day where I think relationships grew. Everyone who was there I just want to thank you again for coming and know that ya'll are in my prayers!

Falling short...

2007-06-19T00:13:00.001+01:00

At last the most awful exam timetable of my life is complete. Today I had my second R.S paper and of course like many people from my class I chose the 2 easiest questions or rather the 2 I could write most about. One on early church worship (included baptism, eucharist etc) and the spread and expansion of Christianity (of which the part B talked about monasticism and I completely slagged off monks-Oopsies!!) I'm just so glad they're over coz my head really hurt today and all I could do before I went in was concentrating on staying awake. So there's a few more exams ticked off my list but probably not my best. But I'm not gonna dwell on that now plently of time for that later in the summer.

But the past couple of months I've been feeling like I'm falling short of everything. It's really hard to put this in words but it just seems like sometimes I'm not needed. Let me give you some examples (coz otherwise you would just write me off and say I'm being silly...) so ok 6 out of 8 of my close friends are in relationships and it's like I've been tossed aside. Then when I'm with certain people it's like they'd rather talk to their other friends instead of me. But then they'll be like aww I love you etc but how when their actions to live up to what they say? I know I'm being totally shelfish and just completely stupid but sure that's me! I'm just not seeing the need for my presence right now or the purpose of my race that I'm continuing to run. I'm getting tired and it would be so easy to give up right now. I mean would I have more freedom if I wasn't a Christian? Would my options and oppurtunities be better?? I don't know. I just don't know. I really haven't explained anything properly but I don't think it helps that I've no idea how to put it into words! Just complete crap to sum it up in one word.

But at the same time I feel that I'm falling short for God too and I don't wanna do that either.

I can't figure out who likes me and who doesn't I'm tormented by paranoria and haunted by self doubt. I dunno guys, I'm just being silly.

Just thought I'd share....

2007-06-14T22:21:00.000+01:00

" God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him. We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom, courageous in seastorm and earthquake, Before the rush and roar of oceans, the tremors that shift mountains." Psalm 46 v 1-3 (The Message)

I took this picture today between the showers of rain. I thought it was rather random but it signifies life for me right now. The bright green track is my journey with God. It's an up hill struggle and I'm fenced in by all kinds of crap. My strength wears thin but even as everything around me changes and fails, I keep walking searching for my light at the end of the tunnel.

I think this is why I haven't freaked out as much this year. God hasn't let me. I've been living through Psalm 46 this week. And he is all I need. I'm realising I don't and can't rely on my own strength.

I got this wee devotion book from one of my friends (Rosemary Cuffey one of the sweetest ladies you could ever wish to meet!) and it has all these topics and sections and I've found myself over the past couple of weeks reading the God's words of life on perseverance:

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1v12

"And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Romans 5v 3-4

"May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance." 2 Thessalonians 3v 5

God's word has been a blessing....and it's taken me this long to realise it!

His love is strong and I don't care what goes down!

**((P.S to Miss Skelton..I'm going to Portrush on Wednesday afternoon and returning Friday evening. I'll try to come out shopping with you guys but after yesterday I'll be lucky if I can buy a packet of chewing gum! Lol!! Loves you!))**

Ok I can't get the song on here so check out....

http://www.esnips.com/doc/7ba6aa12-6bb6-4045-a8a1-39584d0ac026/12---switchfoot---let-your-love-be-strong

Strangely peaceful....

2007-06-13T20:26:00.000+01:00

Ok. So I thought that this week would be one of the worst of my life. (and I'm only half way I know things could change but whatever!) But so far I've loved life this week. Began with a full day on Monday to get prepared for 2 geography papers on Tuesday. I spent this time really well and I was actually was able to answer everything on the physical paper which is an encouragement. But the skills paper......hmm?!? My fieldwork statistical anaylasis was fine 'coz I had memorised the spearman's rank correlation work. I'm not sure how I did with the rest of it. And it didn't help with me forgetting what a friggin flow chart was, resulting me in scribbling down whatever in the last 5 minutes but sure. I'm no genius. During my geog exams the terenchal rain was beating down which didn't help with the whole concentration thing. On the ride down I was going over in my head my case studies and I said to mum

'What other american states where effected by Hurricane Katrina?'

She replied 'I don't really know Rachel I don't keep track of these things.'

We then pulled up behind a van that had a number plate from Georgia in the back and I was like

'O was Georgia hit?

Mum replied saying 'Rachel just coz it's on that van doesn't mean that it's a Holy sign from God.'

Oooo but was she wrong, she just had to eat her words there now, coz Georgia was hit and 2 people died! So ha ha to her!

After my exam mum took me out for coffee and I ended up buying 5 new Cd's it was sweet and I haven't even listened to any the whole way through yet! Ahh can't wait.

My exam today was ok, I was able to do it like and I got scholar quotes in but I just think I might have wrote the biggest pile of bolloax. I chose a question on Stephen's role in the book of Acts and one on Paul's conversion. Of course it was the height of amusement. But the only thing that kept me going was that I was going for a starbucks afterwards (a definate plus side to going to a school so close to town!) I also had a lot of clothes to take back so I did that but ended up buying other stuff so it was all good. Have a look at these kick ass photos!.....(Sarah=curly hair and Megan=brown hair!) We are going to Portrush next week how fun?!?! Wheeha! Cannae wait! They're my very own Trinny and Susannah, I'm keeping all they chose for me apart from one top which I have to say I picked myself so I can see a future for these two!!

I have felt a great deal of peace these past few days and I have not freaked out as much as I did last year! Paul hasn't had as many headaches this year as I haven't been in complaining as much! Is that a good thing though?!? I'm comforting myself saying 'it's coz you've grown in your faith with God.' All I can say is I hope so and that this complacency isn't a sign of failing. Prayers are greatly accepted and appreciated!!

Love and prayers to all!

Ponderings. Monasticism. Hayfever. Missing you.

2007-06-06T23:23:00.000+01:00

***60TH POST***

Why hello everyone.

I haven't posted in a while....as I hear you all take a gasp and sigh of relief! So all I've been up to really is studying. Day in, day out. On the odd occasion I take breaks and watch something on TV. What's my secret I hear you ask? Well listening to Christian music while I study. It helps me to perservre most of time anyways and praying pretty hard. I'm hoping that as I'm making notes the stuff is going in my head and staying there. I mean I could go off on a little rant about how ridiculous it is to have exams. How do they examine how smart you are? It tests how well your able to remember and reguratate information!! Agggghhhhghghgh! But anyways I shall save that for another day. Or when I'm on my next driving lesson. Poor Nigel having to listen to me rant on while his life is in my hands! Lol!! Encouraging right? Ha!

Today I was studying my R.S course and in particular monasticism. Yep thats right all about the monks. Ok to be fair I do have to state there are two types (well 3 but sure!). Soliarty and semi-soliarty but how are they helping anyone??? All they're doing is seperating themselves from the world and it's bad influences. How can they build up character if they just stay in a holy huddle? Ok their relationship with God will be really strong.....but what about life experience? Or reaching out and touching others? And besides where there are people...there is sin! Right? They just seem like a cult and to be honest kinda creepy! Sorry for such strong views and apologies to any monks out there!

I'm feeling pretty awful right now too. Either my hayfever is really bad this year or I've been dosed with a cold. Option 2 is what I think is correct, mother begs to differ. But my head feels like its about to fall off, and my nose, throat and ears really hurt plus the strangest of them all....my skin is really sensitive on my face so if I touch it, it hurts! :( But ok, there is a silver lining....I got to go driving tonight which was fun...I must be getting better coz I didn't come back as stressed.

I just put a new song on my myspace profile....and I love it. Heard it on the radio the other day. And I know its sad that I like this chick but she's got attitude and got me through a lot one summer in Canada. Avril Lavigne...When your gone. It's got amazing lyrics and I love the gentle piano scales running through it....gives me chills down my spine (or has someone just walked over my grave, that must be it coz I'm typing from beyond the grave ;) ) But it does bring back sad memories of stuff I went through one holiday a couple of years ago. Along with that it makes me miss my family who live in Canada. (Ok, I don't know why coz yea its a love song but whatever!) I don't know when I'm going to see them next. I just can't help feeling that we're just not connected at all. Each one of them has a place in my heart it just feels like there's no room in their hearts for me anymore....or ever? I just wonder will my relationship fail with my older brother once he gets married just like my mum's and her brother's did? I mean my mum never speaks her mind when shes annoyed at Uncle Sam!! Instead rants and raves over here and gets her blood pressure up. But anyways....they're more than likely moving to Germany coz of Uncle Sambo's job again and all everyone is saying is....'you can see them more often.' thats bull coz they won't want to make the effort 2 see us (only Auntie Sara's family...grrr) also I'm not very enthusised about going to Germany anyway. Been before and it's nothing spectacualr! Lol.

Ok so I told myself I wouldn't rant but that's all I've done this whole post! Very very sorry!

But I shall leave you with Avrils lyrics........

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
is made up on your side
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk awayI count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
YeahWhen you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
All the words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you

Summerfest '07

2007-06-04T10:00:00.001+01:00

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!

Slightly Stressed would be an understatement

2007-05-22T22:29:00.000+01:00

I guess the title sort of summaries how I've felt this week. It's been hectic and I hate studying already, and its only been a week. eeekkk!

I had a little freak out yesterday. Nearly cried. I just don't get it I mean you have to learn stuff off then reguritate it in exams!! How does that determine if you're smart or not?? I mean, in geography you go through 6 topics and have to know them in detail then the paper only last for an hour!! I mean come on, how much of what you've learnt is going to come up?!

Right now I'm so thankful I took on e-media coz I mean there aren't any exams- woohoo!! Imagine what I would be like if I actually had 4 subjects to study for. It would be a total nightmare. Can't wait to say goodbye to geography. Even though I do love the people in my class and will miss them! Lol.

Today was so stressful. I had to get up and head into school, but I couldn't really sleep last night so I was still really tired. Up at 6.30am headed out to school. I didn't get left until 11.30am coz my friends had to talk 2 teachers about duke of ed. Then we headed into Belfast. Got to starbucks, just casually drinking coffee, when I looked at my watch and realised it was 12.10pm and I had planned 2 get a bus at 12.30pm and still had to get a birthday present! Ahhh! Coz I needed to be home for my driving lesson at 2.30pm. Got an express at 1pm but had to desperately call round people to see if they could pick me up in Crossgar. Otherwise I wouldn't have been on time for my lesson, coz it takes so long to walk from Crossgar to my house. Then I had a rather large parcel as well.....!! Lol! So I finally scrounged a lift of my best friends mum, which then turned out to be her aunt who picked me up! (someone will be getting chocolates!) Flip, then I was in and only had time for lunch. Then got one of my best phonecalls of the day and it was Nigel (driving instructor) saying he was running 15mins late and I could just hear the hallieua chorus in my head. Woohoo!

I love driving. It's emmense.

When Nigel arrived I headed towards the passenger side (coz it's only my 2nd lesson) and he was like 'where are you going?' LOL! Today, I had to tackle pulling in on a hill while 2 tractors and a van passed me. Then I had to turn into a really awkward junction and pass a car that was parked at the same time! But it was ok I handled it. (anyone who has been at the derryboy crossroads will understand my trial). Phew! Then I had to go on the Beechview Road and if you've ever been you will know that the Pikestone end of the road is like a flippin' lane so I was like 'Nigel, what if I meet a car on this road? I will freak out!' He just said 'Don't worry there's piles of room for two cars. And if it gets too scarey I will just jump out the passenger door!' Now that did make me laugh I must say!! I love him he's so nice and patient! So I'm out tomorrow and heading to the wee town of Killyleagh...woohoo, watch out! I'm having a little crash course which is all part of the bant!

Well my dears I am SO SO SO exhausted so I shall turn in.

Random artistic craving...

2007-05-16T22:05:00.001+01:00

The past few days I've been wanting to paint coz I've actually really missed doing art this year...I know it's meant I haven't been as stressed but I still do love painting and studying things.

One of my favourite things that I painted last year where lilies. And as it so happened my mum had got lilies from my dad for her birthday (thanks dad!) I was so happy. So tonight I gave myself the benefit of the doubt, seeing I only got off for study leave yesterday but actually had to go in for 10.30 today for a geography revision class (grrr Hartwell and her love of the Waugh textbook!!Completely and utterly dropping geography!) Basically that meant I didn't get anything done today coz I couldn't have been bothered after being at school and then going out for lunch (a friend and I had important matters to discuss so that is permitted!!Lol) Anyway back to the point I started to paint at 7esh and didn't finish until 9.30esh!! I know and when you see the painting you'll be like how on earth did she spend 2 1/2 hours on that. Well I agree.

Of course during this time I was listening to the best bands EVER! Third Day and Switchfoot. Third day definatley rules but Switchfoot has some equal qualities!! Lol. If anyone is interested Third Day have a blog...it's pretty funny and so cool to see what they're getting up too! Lol. http://thirdday.blogs.com/third_day_weblog/

But I'm going to show y'all anyways!!

Well I'm away off to either watch a dvd or just go to sleep...getting up at 7.30 tomorrow, going for a walk, having breakfast, then studying! Just incase you wanted to know!!

Peace and Love

Between the Trees...

2007-05-14T16:56:00.000+01:00

I warn you this may be rather vague as I couldn't find a clip of the movie....

Last night I headed up to yf in Saintfield....yes, shock horror I missed a choir practice but if I'm totally honest I think it was so much more worth while, coz today I haven't been able to stop thinking about the dvd that Paul showed us. It was by Rob Bell and as far as I can remember it was something to do with Nooma-Trees 003. Incase you want to try and find it....I've looked on youtube but no luck but you can see a little clip at www.nooma.com. But I shall give it my best shot from what I can remember from last night coz I was really wrecked so my concentration levels were rather low (due to the fact I'm still not off for study leave!)

Anyways...it showed Rob planting two trees- one to signify the one at the heart of the garden of Eden in Genesis and another in Revelation when God would create a new heaven and a new earth. He went on to say that we are living in between these two trees...but how are we living between these two trees? Are we going to leave fingerprints over God's world? Will our life make a difference, leave an impact? There was so much crammed into those 15mins but this is what I've been thinking about today...

As we live our lives betweent the trees, do the daily tasks that we carry out everyday hold any meaning? Are we just doing things for the sake of doing them-should we take this attitude? I'm in two minds about this, i mean how can the same rountine every day make a difference? Or is it just the fact that we are trying to live it to the full with God by our sides everyday that makes these meaningless tasks become meaningful?

Another thing that has been on my mind these past couple of weeks is faith. I've came to realise that faith is a long journey that takes a lifetime to master. Wait, do we ever master it? How do I witness to other people when I'm judged for following him? I know that God loves everyone (its just so hard for me to do the same) and that everyone deserves chances. But how many? How many times have I to be made a fool of? Yes, it's for God but do we/I have to sit and take it? Or can we forget that these people are our responsibility? All I want to be right now is Gods, and serve him in the ways he wants. I want to be able to leave meaningful fingerprints on the earth for God (or are they God's fingerprints working through mine??) But does that mean that I have the responsibility to witness and (as much as I hate these terms) convert, lead to Christ everyone that I come into contact with?

A lot of questions, if you have any thoughts or comments I will gladly accept them!

Family

2007-05-12T16:24:00.001+01:00

As I'm getting older I understand so much more and the past two years I've realised my family isn't perfect.

Today more than ever I know this is a fair, just and true comment. I guess it's because people aren't perfect. Duh!

My sister and I just had an arguement. That's the only way we communicate...there is no loving relationship between us at all. I mean I do love her....but she infurates me mainly because I see the potential of who she could be but is too stubborn to be. She really hurts me more than she knows or cares....with the one cold hard look, she tells me she doesn't love me.

We don't do anything together. She's never here. She's always at her good for nothing boyfriend's house. But when we manage to go out for lunch or whatever it's only because I've bribed her by saying I would pay.

One of the main problems is that she isn't a Christian. And I don't know how to act around her coz I know she'll judge me. But she seems to be incapable of actually just being nice. This is something I find hard coz I feel I care for so many people so it's natural for me to go out of my way to do things for other people, no matter the consequence. But she is totally opposite. Sometimes I think she is tormenting us for fun. With her smug little smile.

Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to make her look bad to make me look good. Not at all.

I'm just stuck and don't know what to do.

I guess I should really talk to God more about it!

I'd really appreciate your prayers. As awful as it sounds Rebecca has caused our family but especially my parents a lot of heartache. And I hate it when my mum cries.

Thanks.

Amazing emense daight*!

2007-05-11T22:49:00.001+01:00

O my goodness last night was one of the best nights of my life!!

I was at the Third Day concert in Whitewell and my gosh they did a mighty show. But lets start the story at the beginning!!!!

So Lauren and I decided we would get out off school early because we thought that the doors opened at 6pm so we had to leave at 5pm then. So we won't have anytime to get changed. Making get out 3 periods early the best option (especially when you're missing double geography!) Ok, so we meet my mum at forestside....in Sainburys and then spotted one of our teachers so we had to hide! Was so so funny!! Finally we got left there and we got home to get ready. Then I get a phone call at 16.55:

"Rachel the doors open at 7pm not 6pm."
"Lauren shut up I checked the tickets" [Ages ago]
"No seriously Rachel look at your tickets."
[Laughing] "Erm ok maybe your right..."
"Ok, I'll pick you up at about 5 to 6 then instead."

I was thankful for this mishap coz I was able to go for a power nap...which was desperately needed! Then we were on our way. Queuing was quite fun....a lot of random pictures and conversations.

Then we were in! WOOHOO and the adrinaline rises.

Waiting....waiting....waiting........

Let us present Brian Houston...............what???? BRIAN HOUSTON

We screamed so so much! We did not have a clue that he was going to be there!

He made me laugh and cry. Totally amazing so the excitment levels reached around 9.56!!!

10 minute interval.....

Arrived back with the opening title- Tunnel...... such a great choice of song to start with.

The hour flew in and it was such a shame it was over. I could have stayed ALL night.

They played old and new. Fantastic.

We went out and I purposely didn't get my mum to leave until the last song was over so that we would have time to hang out.

I bought the new CD. Then placed myself right outside the backstage door. Which I wanted to sneak into but Lauren wouldn't allow me.

I guess we where there for about 20-30mins. The moment I had been waiting for came....

I seen David Carr (Third Day drummer) coming out the door. I freaked out. I was beside myself. Just ask Lauren.

I then emptied the contains of my handbag to try and find the pens I had packed earlier coz I came prepared with notebook and all!!! Woohoo!

I went over ALONE! Yes Lauren was very proud. The conversation went like this.....

"Hey I'm Rachel." [shaking hands]
"Hey nice to meet you."
"Would you mind signing my notebook?"
"Of course not."
"Do you need a pen?"
"No no I can use this one." [after my stressful pen hunting attempts!]
[As he wrote] "I'm a drummer to ya know, I've been playing for 4 years now." [thats the first time I've called myself a drummer!]
"Thats really cool. Sorry how do you spell your name?"
[Long pause and Rachel's head is totally blank!]
"Ehhhhh....."
[David] "Is it R-a-c-h..... e-l?"
"Ehhhh... yea" [awkward laugh]
"Thanks so much."
"No problem. God bless!"
"Bye!"

AHHHH he wrote Rachel, Keep Drumming....David. I will act this out if any of you wish coz there is more to the conversation plus it is way more fun....

I will post photos but right now I'm wrecked.

Had GB training 2night! Yuck. But plus side....I'm now a fully-pledged Sub-officer! O-yea! Authority baby!

Peace and Love

*Defination of daight- day and night together!!

Bag packing at sexy Sainsburys....

2007-05-07T21:38:00.000+01:00

Today I helped out a friend from school called Sarah with fundraising for her mission trip in the Summer. She is going to Pamoja in Kenya to build a house for a woman's husband who was killed and also to work in an orphange with really sick kids who can't even be adopted because they are so ill. Throughout the day there where a variety of different people that we served. Some completely ignored that we existed and completely turned their back to us and grabbed their purchases as they went down the convayer (spelt wrong I know) belt and quickly snuck them into bags. Others where really enthusiastic and asked what the mission was for etc. One woman stands out from the rest, and her words have remained in my head all day... it was this middle-aged, black haired, smokers complextion lady with a strong 'belfasty' accent. She looked as tough as bricks. But when we finished packing her bags... she gave a donation and said back to us...."Thank you for your kindness." I couldn't believe it, I was gob smacked. I think it was the fact that I felt bad that she had just donated and she said 'your kindness' when she had just been as equally kind. Lol!!

Without going into a lot of detail... can I ask for some prayer. I'm finding my home church a real sturggle right now and I'm asking God to reveal to me what he wants me to do. Coz my parents aren't being accomidating at all, they won't even listen. So I'm leaving this up to God to show me what my next step is. Right now I can feel myself burning out and I can't blame my church for all of that...and I don't but it isn't helping either. I'm asking loads of questions and I've been told a lot that that's ok. Today I took Val's advice and went for a walk with my ipod (playing third day- concert thursday night- whoop whoop!!) and I talked to God. Not just in my head.. but out loud. It was weird at the start and I know that a couple of times I got strange looks from cars passing by coz I didn't hear them coming with my music on...but who cares if I'm crazy?! It was good to just say things out loud....it just released so much and I'm so greatful that I used this advice! Thanks Val! It's been an emotional weekend and I know that God has and is making me stronger. He is moulding me even though I think he isn't here. And I do wonder sometimes whether I'm thinking and speaking to someone who really isn't there. But I know that it's ok that I'm not coping because I can rely on God so much more even with these doubts. So whether you pray out loud with God by yourself or in your head I'd appreciate all of them!

Only 61 days 2 hours and 21 minutes until Mission Czech!! Whoop whoop!

Well done to everyone who took part in the marathon today! Good job guys!! I was thinking about you all day!!

P.S does anyone know how to fix ipods?? Mine has frozen and has been frozen since 1.23pm!! I tried holding the middle button and menu for 10secs as this is meant to restart it. And I tried connecting it to the computer and the computer realises that it's connected but doesn't bring up i-tunes. I started to restore it but then i-tunes froze!! grr!! help!!

Peace.

Planning for the future....

2007-05-03T22:14:00.000+01:00

Hey there.....

The moment has come for me to step up to something that I have been dreading ever since the letters UCAS where muttered.....the Personal Statement. To be honest it hasn't been as painful as I thought. But it's early days I've only written my first draft and I haven't handed into be ridiculed by my teacher. The best is yet to come or rather worst?! I've also discussed uni stuff with mum tonight and I think I'm going to stay at home to study but try to take a sandwich course so that I can be away for a year.

Apart from that my week has improved. I'm liking school again and actually getting revision done even though it blows.

Our holidays are going to be booked by tomorrow or Saturday and we are heading to L.A, Vegas, Grand Canyon and Arizona!! I am totally skyed!!!! Whoop whoop. But there is a down side....I'll only be home from Czech 4 days then I leave. Then not back until between 21st-23rd August. So I won't see anyone from school and church etc like the whole summer! Score!! Just kiddin. Dad says I'm getting worse than him when it comes to travelling... 22nd May I'm going to Manchester for the weekend. Then Summer Madness from 29th-2nd June (which I may not stay for the whole time), Czech from 8th-26th July, USA 30th-21st (esh) then Rome from 30th September-4th October!! (And I went to Brussels in December) Travelling is now slowly taking over my life....but I'm happy with that! Lol!!

I have loads to report about other thoughts but I'm tired and got to learn stuff about early church baptism for a timed essay 2morrow!! woohoo!!

Have a great weekend with all this beautiful weather. I got burnt today while we where having a bbq! Sweet! Lol!!

I love the Beatles!!

It's been a while...

2007-04-30T20:16:00.000+01:00

Hey all...

So it has been a while but my internet has been offline for a whole week but it has felt like a month! Lol. It was a simple task as my mum had just plugged a phone line in up in my brothers room and it cut off our internet connection and after hiring the guy to fix it, my brother actually ended up fixing it. Typical. Ok the main thing is I'm back online! Lol....

A lot has been going on in my head recently. And while I was off sick I did way too much thinking. Being sick is bad for so many reasons. Ok to start out with I felt guilty during the time I was off. But in the moments I managed to do some work I was listening to music playing away in the background (I can’t stand working in silence also I find that I can remember what song I was listening to when I wrote a particular point and it helps me remember stuff- kinda weird.) I had on one of my mum’s CD’s- Michael. W. Smith- Healing Rain album and the song ‘Healing Rain’ was playing and I remembered how the lyrics used to hold so much passion and meaning to me. I used to be able to sing ‘Healing rain is falling down, healing rain is falling down. I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid.’

But I am. I’m afraid of what lies ahead, of exams, pressures and people. I can’t seem to give God control, I just can’t let go. I want to do everything myself and in some respects I think that God expects me to do everything myself. I don’t know why this is so difficult for me…I mean I’ve been brought up with this stuff (for want of a better word). Is it my stubbornness? Have I built up such a high guard around my heart that I won’t even let God in? Sure God can’t hurt me, right?

The past couple of weeks have tested me. With being sick but also I’ve had a hard time with one of my friends, she wants me to go clubbing for her birthday but I’ve said no. Of course she’s taken it personally, but she knows the reasons why I don’t want to and she said she understood. But she said for a friend she thought I would have made an expectation. I told her that just because I’ve made this decision doesn’t mean I love her any less and that I was really sorry but I don’t put friends before my faith. Ironic, since I’m struggling with it right now. But I still think this has been the right decision but I know it’s not the end of it. It’s hard to lead the life you choose (taken from Goo Goo Dolls- Sympathy…my ring tone!!)

Hmm so another thing, which I pounced on my mum today over coffee and her eyes popped out of her head. I’m not sure I want to go back to school anymore. I’m just scared of all the work and I don’t want to have to do it and go through all the stress again coz lets face it…it’s going to have stepped up a gear since last year and then it will again when it comes to A-levels next year. When I was in Saintfield it was my dream to get into a Grammar school…but was that my dream and not the plan God had laid out for me? I could just start working, say for my dad or in Jackson’s- that’s everyone’s favourite!! Lol. I mean I don’t even think I’ll go to uni coz I’ve know idea what I or God want’s me to do. Errrrr why could things not be easier!? So I really don’t know where to go from here, who to talk to and what to do.

Any suggestions?

Last night I really couldn't sleep. I went to bed at about 10.30 and didn't get to sleep until 2.30/3am-esh. My head just wouldn't stop thinking about everything. Life, love, friends, faith, worries etc. I just felt anixous and on edge. I had thought about going for a walk to try and clear my head but this was at about 1.30am and I thought that it would be slightly freaky going out alone in the pitch black on the wee country roads, so I decided against it. But when I actually got to sleep it didn't really help coz I just had nightmares, so in a way I was glad to hear my alarm at 6.30am this morning. I dunno what I need to try and make all my thoughts go away...its not that they're bad it's that they're stupid and annoying. State the obvious....pray Rachel. But right now I'm not sure that's enough!?

4S's-Scared, Sick, Sleepy, Sore!

2007-04-15T21:23:00.001+01:00

So, yea guys.... I'm sick.

I hate it. I woke up this morning and could hardly open my eyes. Mum had already been in so I dragged myself out of bed to discover that my whole body was all achey. Not the greatest feeling in the world. I ventured downstairs which proved to be tricky coz I'm really light headed...which is making me think I have like an ear-infection coz it effects your balance etc and I've had it before. Who knows? You aren't allowed to see a doctor unless you've had the same feelings for 3 days! So my day has consisted of sleeping, drinking apple juice, watching My Girl 2, revising...O and did I mention sleeping? So basically this covers the last 3 S's....Sick, sleepy and sore!

Onto SCARED.....my heart is tensing just typing that word.

I personally think it should be erased out of the english dictionary...but who am I?!

Why am I scared?

Because the easter holidays are over. And I've done very little work. I know that starting back this term means the season of stress. Yes, 'kids' do get stressed. Well I believe we do. In fact, last year I made myself sick out of worry. During and while waiting for exam results. I've been thinking if that's what is wrong today. Am I so wound up, nervous and anixous that I'm sick?! I'm not sure how though....how could stress amount up to this? My exams haven't even started...they don't start until 13th June....which on Friday was only 2months! YIKES! I don't want to fail. I don't want my emotions to take over, but right now I'm letting them 'win'. I've wanted to move to a Grammar school since I went to High school....what if I mess this 'dream' up?!? I can't. (Actually kinda teary eyed!) I really do not know what to do. I can't and don't really want to ask God for help. I mean I haven't even been talking to him recently so why should he help me with this fear!? Am I going to run out of steam? It's the fact that every so often my heart kinda beats twice...like over itself if you understand me and it doesn't feel good. I don't want to be over reacting but I don't want to under react either. I know that all of this is a pile of poo. I'm being silly, I'm being haunted by my own self doubt. Sleeping is the only thing that kinda stops it once I finally get over to sleep.

I guess what I need right now is prayer? Seeing I'm too scared right now to pray for answers.

(On a lighter, happier note.....got a passport form....mum made a mistake but we have a back-up one so it's just to filled in later tonight then dad is getting it verified tomorrow and off it goes!)

Thinking of everyone who is entering this 'joyous' stress season....try to do it with a little more enthusiasm and courage than me!

O yea.....and guess who is going to be entering the UCAS system now! Me the joys! Just another thing to ponder and freak out about! Yey! Life is so hard...do you think dying is easier?! I feel so guilty about complaining about this and talking about how I feel coz it's not like I'm someone in Africa who doesn't know anything about God and who has to learn and worry about surviving everyday. Gosh I'm so wrapped up in my own life right now! So pray for people in poverty too please!!!

I'm going to go before I write anymore crap!!

The Czech crazyness begins...

2007-04-12T16:45:00.000+01:00

Yesterday our czech team and the 6 czechs that where over headed out together up to the Giant's Causeway. We left bright and early so we could pack as much as possible into one day. And well....we did! It was great to hang out with everyone and I know our team is so much stronger already- God is really working. I can't wait to meet up with the czechs again...they're totally random and fun!

I like everyone else took loads of photos so I'm going to let them do all the talking.......

Jayne!

Me and My shadow

Why is the sky blue?

Best Budds

Causeway Coast

Rach looking a bit lost

Heart made of stone?!

Moment in the sun

Hmm?!?

LOL!!!

Jayne

Hide Away..

My footprints

Smooth wave

Widen Horizons

People....

Cyril supporting the ocean swept look...

Portbalentrae(...correct my spelling please!)

Come to Ireland...

...we make dreams come true! (It was one of Cyrils dreams to cuddle a lamb!)

Filip and the beautiful lamb!

Rose and the lamb-so cute!

Me and the lamb- I want one now!

Thank you so much to everyone! It was fab! Thanks to Paul who drove for us and was an awesome leader as always! Bring on the 8th July! But I really should get my passport sorted...ahh please everyone pray that I get it in time!

Easter Sunday....A story that will never be forgotten!

2007-04-08T14:26:00.000+01:00

All heaven declares, the glory of the risen Lord...

As I watched the most beautiful sunrise this morning at the dawn service I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and hope. The setting of this year's service was amazing. Best I've seen yet. I could just feel God for those brief few minutes. Although I must admit that I felt ever so slightly guilty as I got the case of the giggles a couple of times....I tell ya the MckKeowns can be a bad influence on you, but who's perfect. It will help me remember this day better seeing as I had a laugh too.

The reason why 50-60 of us got up at 5.30am or earlier (I woke up at 5am, I think I was worried that I wasn't going to wake up even though I had two alarms set as well!Lol) was to remember Jesus' resurrection. It was a celebration! Our one and only Saviour lives! I've been thinking about how this day would have been like 2000 years ago when Mary Magdalene found that the stone had been rolled away and the tomb was empty. Can you imagine the mixture of disbelief, happiness, relief and excitment she must have been feeling? Jesus was alive....He had risen just as he had promised. I can just imagine how astonished the disciples and other followers of Jesus must have felt when they heard the news. Not only was their King and Saviour alive but he promised....

'I will be with you always, even until the end of this age.'

He promises the same today,tomorrow and forver.

I wish I could incapsulate how Mary and everyone felt that day. I wish I could capture those feelings in a jar and when I become 'fed-up' with life I could be refreshed by their excitment. But this is what God is offering me today. If I let him he will refresh and light me on fire for him again. Please God, don't let me burn out as quickly this time.

Thankfullness surrounds my thoughts today and I'm trying to share it around with everyone.

Thank-you God for sending your only Son to die on the cross for me and everyone, to show your love. But more importantly not leaving the story to end there, but raising Jesus from the dead that we may have forgiveness and hope!

If you are in any shadow of a doubt as to whether God loves you let me reassure you that he loves you to death. Literally.

Good Friday...

2007-04-06T20:33:00.000+01:00

This weekend of Easter is a pivotal point in the history of the Christian faith. This is the basis on which our faith comes from.

On this day, Jesus died on the cross.

Why?

He was following his father's orders, he had been sentenced to this death by Pilot/people of Jerusalem.

One thing about the Easter story that hits me every year is the fact that while Jesus was suffering on the Cross...for our sins he was able to feel what it was like to be a murderer, rapist, theif, drug addict, alcholic etc... he had to think about the senister thoughts of people who had been possessed by the devil.

He felt the wrath of what the devil was doing. Of what he was and has been doing to His people. But Jesus died to stop this. He died so that we could be set free from the wrath of sin.

It still amazes me that someone would die for me and then continue to love me. I mean, was Jesus thinking of me and you while he was dying slowly? Was he able to think of us by name? It's an awesome thought.

No words can describe how truly amazing this sacrafice was. This was His living purpose that His Father had sentenced him to. There was no other option. LOVE had to prevail....and He always will.

I am so thankful that I have been saved by the Grace of God and He forgives me regardless of what I've done or rather not done.

As long as I remember

I’ve been walking through the wilderness

Praying to the Father

And waiting for my time

I’ve come here with a mission

And soon I’ll give my life for this world

I’m praying in the garden

And I’m looking for a miracle

I find the journey hard but

It’s the reason I was born

Can this cup be passed on

Lord, I pray your will be done

In this world

So I’ll carry my cross

And I’ll carry the shame

To the end of the road

Through the struggle and pain

And I’ll do it for love

No, it won’t be in vain

Yes, I’ll carry my cross

And I’ll carry the shame

I feel like I’m alone here

And I’m treated like a criminal

The time has come for me now

Even though I’ve done no wrong

Father, please forgive them

They know not what they’ve done

In this world

Three more days and I’ll be coming back again

(Third Day...Carry my Cross.)

Beautiful Day with my prayer quadriplet....

2007-04-04T17:09:00.000+01:00

So yesterday I went out with my prayer quadriplet....we have a prayer time together in school on Tuesdays at breaktime. We have been praying together for a couple of months now and we have all been really encouraged.

Wait for this.....

.....we actually decided to go on tour.....

.....to Belfast.....

....where better???

Yea, its a revelation....people who pray can have fun!

Lol! We made full use of the good weather. We shopped, laughed, basked in the sun and played pranks. Lynne have you figured out yet that Mark wasn't actually in Belfast yesterday! What a shame?!

One of the weirdest things said yesterday was "Wow! Look at that bike....it looks sore!"
Quotation from our dear Nicola she meant sore to ride, but I thought she meant sore coz it had been chained to a lamp post!! Lol.

I am really thankful that God has blessed me with the friendship with these girls! I love them and it's so comforting to know that they are always thinking of you in prayer!

Here are some of the photos.....

I'm down with that Homie!

Haha Lynne!!!

We can only afford to try stuff on in Quicksilver!

Americas next top model?

Lynne and Helen

Nicola et moi

Tree

City Hall

17th Birthday weekend...

2007-03-25T19:44:00.000+01:00

It's been such a long weekend and I've wanted to blog about it since 3am last night. But unfortunately my wireless wasn't working in my room :(

But anyways....so its really felt like it's been my birthday the whole weekend and I'm not complaining in the slightest!

It all started off on Friday. My dad got me out of school early to go shopping with him and my sister that was a lot of fun and worth missing 2 periods of study for let me tell ya! It was good to catch up with Becca and just having fun. Then we got home around 6 and I got my first present...it was a package all wrapped up in brown paper that had come in the post. Very intriguing!! I opened the brown wrapper to find another layer of wrapping paper..with the instruction on the envelope that I must not open the gift until Saturday and I didn't! It was from my dear Rach (Skelton) the whole way from good olde bonnie Scotland. Thank you so much, you made my day coz it was so exciting getting it in the post. Later that night I then had a visit from Miss Mckeown. We were both wrecked fromt the week's events so we just sat and watched Friends and Ugly Betty.

It was then off to bed before the big 'day'. At 8 am I started to get my first 'birthday texts' first one was from my dad (wait Skelton you sent me one at like 2 mins past 12 as well!LOL) then it was just loads of different friends and my phone didn't stop until like 7pm that night! So I was kinda only dosing from then until around 9.30 then it was time to get up and at it. I got ready and headed up to Saintfield for a Czech meeting. It was good fun and they made me smile (and blush) when Val walked in with a gorgeous chocolate muffin with a little pink candle in it, while the team sung happy birthday. It was so sweet. I just had time at the end to catch up with Val a little play with Erin and Talthia then I was off to my next 'appointment'.

I was getting my hair cut and coloured. Although it ended up I couldn't face getting it cut coz I like my length right now so I got my fringe chopped then I got it curled. I loved it. I was there until 3.30pm. Got home and mucked about a bit (which didn't impress mum). I reviewed the 'list of guests' to realise the numbers had changed quite substancely so my mum thought it would be courtious to inform the restuarant. We did so to discover they had wrote down the wrong time. Yes, I am completely blaming Giraffe (the restuarant) because I definately said 7.30!!! BOTH TIMES! Lol. But anyways after stressing a little over that we comprised for 7.15pm. But we had to leave the table at 8.45 which was no problem in the end.

A couple of girls where coming over to mine to get ready and then head up to the restuarant with me. So I got ready before they came to avoid the whole stress and fluster of getting ready all in the same room. After leaving my room in a substancal state (lol not really!) it was time to get on the move. On my way there I got a lovely text from Val which made me smile a lot (thanks dear!). The meal was lovely but I don't think anyone had a clear plate! Lol! We had photo sessions inside and outside. Taking pictures outside was a hoot....guys through food and cd's at us lol!! Check out our snazzy group photos here

Where's Wally?!? Lol... I love these guys! (well gals!)

Silly pose...maybe that's why we got stuff thrown at us!?

Matthew and me

Nana, Papa and Jack

Yes, Orlando Bloom showed up for a while...he couldn't resist! I wish!

Sillyness

Intellectual?

Pout!

Sarah Wilson et moi...we have the art of distraction in study down to a t!Lol

We then scooted over to my pad to take center stage for a lil sing star. It was a good laugh. We ate, we laughed, we chatted. It was imense and wasn't over until 2.45am this morning so I really squeezed every last minute out of it.

oday, I took cake to bible class...which made a delious breakfast for my fellow peers! Then I came home and Tim took me DRIVING! Ahh for the first time. And no matter what he says I'm proud of myself...I did not cause anyone damage or the car. I only stalled like 5 times (lol) and listened carefully to my intructions. It was very exciting and I laughed a lot.

Obviously the car was stationary at the time when Tim took this picture!LOL!

I then only had time to check out my ipod for a bit (my dad got me an ipod nano and it's RED...part of the money goes to the (PRODUCT) Red charity). Then Tim took Claire (his fiance), Matthew and I to Rowallene for a walk and it was beautiful...its been a beautiful day.

Tim and Claire...how cute!

look at how blue the sky is!

this tree looks like the pattern on my quilt cover!

look at how huge this tree is...they look like dwarfs!

Tim has decided to take up tree climbing suits him the wee monkey!

It's been an amazing weekend thank you to you all who have made it so special. I have taken so many pictures this weekend its crazy!

Thank you for all the gifts from everyone and anyone...I really appreciate them and every single one of them had thought and effort behind them. Many have brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for a remeberable time guys!!

I love you all so much and I thank God everyday for ya'll
May you feel his peace always!

Gratitude & Grace

2007-03-22T20:43:00.000Z

I really want to express my deepest thanks to all you guys out there who have helped me this past week. Yea, I'm going to name and shame ya's you all deserve it!! Lol....

Catherine, Lauren, Rach S, Paul and Val...

You have all been rocks that I have lent on when I was to afraid to lean on God. I really to appreciate all that you guys have said (some blunter than others...Cate!!teehee). But everything has helped me to hang in there and today I have actually felt a little better.

Your emails, prayers, comments, conversations have all strengthened me and I will treasure these moments forever. I really thank God that I have all you guys who are strong in him around me. I can just feel and see him working through ya'll and I'm truely greatful that you have been introduced into my life. It's a priviledge.

I love all of you.

So I'll give the lyrics thing a miss for a couple of posts coz I know that's all I've been doing recently and I'm really sorry guys but they are as close as I've been getting to the bible and truth recently!

I am forever in your debt guys and do not hesitate to ask me for help with anything.

I appreciate your thoughts and prayers and they will be returned.

God has shown his Grace to me this week through ya'll.

Words,distracted,frustrated

2007-03-21T20:55:00.000Z

If I could do one thing this week....it would be to lie in my bed and sleep. Seriously if there is someone who wants to give me that luxury as a birthday present it would be greatly appreciated. The main reason would be the simple fact that I'm not really very motivated right now...because I have tones on my mind and it won't shut up. Do you ever get that, you sit and nag at yourself about stuff and you don't know how to fix it? I've been doing that constantly since Saturday night....I can't seem to let go of the fact that I don't have a clue what I'm doing. I can hardly concentrate in school coz I'm thinking about all this stuff, not to mention the fact that I can hardly speak to my friends (coz I can't laugh...coz I feel too guilty to, it's as if someone has died...or maybe I'm/my soul is dying?) and my family well.....I'm not speaking to them and they aren't speaking to me.

Another thing is I can't tell them about why I'm in this 'mood'. They are just guessin that I'm stressed with school work but right now I wish it was just that, coz at least I'd know how to fix it! Truth is I'm stuck. I can't get past these feelings and thoughts that are floating around in my head....I don't know where to go next. I am watching what I'm feeding my brain (good advice from a certain someone) so today in study....I only listened to the christian music that is on my ipod...the ratio between christian and normal music is completely wrong though!! Should get more on there. So while I was working I really was listening to the lyrics and came across some amazing lyrics and lines:

"Having faith in the long run is easier said than done
It’s hard to live out in the light of day
You’re bruised and you’re battered, your dreams have been shattered
Your best laid plans scattered over the place

Despite all your tendencies, God sees it differently
Your struggle’s a time to grow
And you, you’re a miracle, anything but typical
It’s time for the whole wide world to know" (Keep on shinin'-Third Day)

"How do you know, how do you know
What I’m suppose to be doing
Why do you go, why do you go on
Thinking you know my fate
So many times I’ve lost my step
But never lost my way
How do you know, how do you know
When I don’t know myself

You’re thinking that you’ve got all the answers
You’ve got my situation figured out
But you’re only seeing part of the picture
There’s so much more that you don’t know about"(How do you know? Third Day)

"Everybody has a wall to climb
That was built to guard the pain that holds them captive
Every smile that they would hide behind
Will try to mask the hurt beneath the surface" (Love heals your heart-Third Day)

"You want to be real
You want to be emptied inside
And I know my heart is to feel you near
And I know my life
It's to do your will
It's to do your will" (My Desire- Jeremy Camp)

When I feel expressive or creative I usually write....stories, poems or songs and I tried to express all this stuff today and I couldn't I just couldn't. I feel like a dummy. Just limp and numb. What should I do?

I know I need to let go
But sometimes its hard to find
The reason why to leave it behind

Guilt, anger, jealousy and pride
Have raised me up so high
Now I'm here on my knees
Crying out to you to heal me

Where do I go from here?
Wherever you go from here I will follow
I need to feel your loving embrace
Wrap me in your saving grace

Show me life again, in all its fullness
Show me your love
And let me show it to other people

There is a light at the end of my road
It's still shining
It's still loving
I'm still following

Ok. that was kinda random I just started typing there and that came out. I'm sorry guys for going on about this so much. I'm sure I'll be back to normal soon! Hopefully!

All that you can't leave behind...

2007-03-17T23:10:00.000Z

So I've realised that I'm on a journey. But not any ordinary journey, one that can be the most dangerous but also the safest at the same time. One that scares the hell out of me everyday but at the same time gives me a feeling of peace. It's a road that is hard to make out, there are sharp corners, twists, turns, bright lights (lol i hate it when people don't dip their lights!!) Lol.

But one thing that is required for this journey is NO luggage.

I just have to be me. Gods' creation.

That's because I'm on a journey with God and if I depend on him... I'll finally reach my destination and hopefully my destiny?

But lately I've lost sight of my destination. I've been questioning why the hell am I even on this journey, and how have I got this far?

But this is ok. I think I'm growing. I'm finding my own way of thinking, instead of being spoon fed all the time. I'm growing out of my fake vener. I'm no longer going to 'stay inside the lines'. I want to be salt and light and if people don't like it why should I care? I'm here to bring glory to God's name not my own. I need to remember that I'm living for God...NOT people!

There are so many questions that I have but I need to think about it all first. Coz it's taken me a month to even talk 2 people (other than Catherine) about all this. (I find it quite difficult, I'd rather pretend everything is ok.) And I feel guilty about some things, but I'm trying to get rid of it before it eats me up.

So there are so many things right now that I feel I can't leave behind but over the next while I'm really going to have to leave coz otherwise I won't be able to move forward.

Thank you to the people who listened to me tonight and gave awesome advice! You really are gifts from heaven and I really appreciate all your help. I really hope I can repay you all sometime. I love you's!

Sorry for reference to U2 again but come on guys we all know they kick ass. You just have to listen and search for the meaning in their songs and you'll fall in love with them, trust me!

The Big One- Comic Relief

2007-03-16T22:38:00.000Z

Every 30 seconds one child dies from malira in Africa

This is a disease that can be treated for a matter of pence...yes, PENCE!

For some parents the drive (or walk) to the nearest clinic or health centre is just too far.

I just watched footage of one of those children dying.

For £2.50 you can save a life, this will buy a mosquito net that will protect mothers and their children.

It's so easy to lose sight of what is happening int the world, it's so easy to just think of ourselves our own lives and our own problems.

But in comparison to the problems faced by Africans everyday...ours are nothing. We can wake up in the morning from our lovely comfortable beds, get a shower, get dressed and be confident that there is food in the cupboard.

It pains me to realise how luxurious our lives are.

Western countries are deluded.

I got very annoyed this week with the budget that has been set aside for the olympic games...it was something like £9 million or something? Well that could get a small country out of debt and save them from poverty. It could wipe out the horrific statistic of 1 child dying every 30 seconds.

Another thing that hurts and annoys me is the fact that our church doesn't seem to be doing much to help these countries such as Africa. Comic Relief is not known as a Christian charity. WE should be showing our love in a practical way. That's what God wanted.

I'm going to do something about it. I want to change someones life.

Question is.......Do YOU?

Be the change.

Crumbs from your t...

**Tribute to my dear granny Jean who passed away 5 years ago today**

Comforting....

2007-03-11T19:01:00.000Z

You Never Let Go

Even though I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of death,
Your perfect love is casting out fear.
And even when I´m caught in the middle
Of the storms of this life,I won´t turn back;
I know You are near.
And I will fear no evil,
For my God is with me.
And if my God is with me,Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

O no, You never let go,
Through the calm and through the storm
O no, You never let go,In every high and every low
O no, You never let go, Lord You never let go of me.

And I can see a light that is comingfor the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare.
And there will be an end to these troubles,
But until that day comes,
We´ll live to know You here on the earth.
Yes, I can see a light that is coming
For the heart that holds on,
And there will be an end To these troubles,
But until that day comes,
Still I will praise You, Still I will praise You.

Bible reference: Psalm 23 Matt and Beth Redman c2006 Thankyou Music (administered worldwide by EMI CMG Publishing, excluding the UK which is administered by Kingswaysongs.com)

Matt Redman - You Never Let Go ...

I've been listening to this song all week and thinking about the lyrics. Then last night I went to mannafest and they sang it in the praise and it was so amazing. It was like God was really reasuring me that its true. I find it so difficult to believe that even when I mess up God is still there and when I'm going through storms in life he is there being my life boat...even if I don't want to be saved at that time, which is what usually happens coz I don't think I'm worthy of being saved and that I brought on these storms myself. Which I guess is true sometimes. So I encourage you guys to listen and think about the lyrics of this song. Even if you don't really like Matt, but I think the lyrics of his songs are really powerful.

Today, I've had a lot thrown at me. In bible class one of our elders came to speak about the 2nd coming of Christ in. And it was tough stuff, and there are so many tricks we could fall into just like Adam and Eve did...so this makes me more determind to be stronger in my faith with God so I can stand this testing. My mum has been giving me a hard time recently and I just don't know what to do, how to help her etc and she doesn't seem to notice that she is making me even more stressed! And herself. Life is difficult. But I just have to remember this simple fact: I've choosen the good life not the easy life!

O, Rach and Rose, you guys didn't miss much at mannafest, of course the worship was fantastic as usual but loads of people where outraged with the talk. I shall explain when I see ya's!

Five favourite quotes

2007-03-07T18:51:00.000Z

Ok, so I have been tagged by Miss. Rachael Davidson (www.watchmesoar.blogspot.com) to post five of my favourite quotes. Hmm I wonder if I even have one? Sorry for the lateness of posting this!!

I'm not great with the whole quotation thing, I guess I don't really think about it, I know I have wee random ones written down somewhere but I can't remember where!!Lol.

So of course the first one has gotta be from a total legend...

"Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted in spite of your changing moods." C.S Lewis

I listen to music all the time therefore a lot of my quotes are from lyrics....

" I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefinedI'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned." Natasha Bedingfield

If any of you know me then you know that I'd have to have U2 in here somewhere, it's difficult to only pick one but this song has been playing in my mind lately..

"I have spoke with the tongue of angels

have held the hand of a devil

It was warm in the night

was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I believe in the kingdom come

Then all the colors will bleed into one

Bleed into one

Well yes I'm still running

You broke the bonds and you

Loosed the chains

Carried the cross

Of my shame

You know I believed it."U2 (Bono)

"Ask not what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive... then go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." Howard Thurman

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." Martin Luther King Jr.

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." Mark Twain

FuNnIes...

"I love carpet....I love desk....I love lamp. I love lamp, I love lamp."

"I ate a big red candle."

"One time I ate fibre glass, my stomach was itchy, it wasn't cotton candy like that guy said."(written from memory) Brick Tamaland from Anchorman-The Legend of Ron Burgandy

"Sometimes our eyes decieve us, but they don't deceive God."- Matthew Jackson, my 8 year old brother.

"I get something out of them. When I feel down, I like to treat myself. Clothes never look any good, and food just makes me fatter, but shoes always fit." -Rose Feller aka Toni Collette from the movie In her Shoes.

"There's no sense in love." Take That

"There must be more than this. O breath of God come breathe within." Tim Hughes.

"You're not so special that you're the only one to get left out!" UCB notes adapted by my dearest friend Catherine.

I could go on now that I've started, things just keep popping into my head but I will resist!Lol!

Hope the rest of your week goes well guys!

If you can think of anymore quotes then post them in a comment, I'd love to hear them!

xXx

The future...

2007-02-25T19:34:00.000Z

I have just had one of the most heart-wrenching talks with my 8 year old brother, Matthew. He came into my room and I knew by the sad look on his face, watery eyes and pugged lips.

"I have this problem. I've had it since last night."
After a little persuation he told me that he was worried about when dad was going to die. Because my dad is 52 now, so he's worried that he's going to die when he is still very young. I mean what am I meant to say to that when I know he's right. It could happen. I just explained to him (while I was trying to hold back my own tears) that God has a plan and even if dad does die whenever he will be a lot happier in heaven than here on earth. He really was cut up about this and I couldn't/can't believe it. He must have really thought over this a lot. I mean I have too, I've even had dreams about being at the funeral and what people would say, what I would say and I've woken up wondering if it actually happened. Death is one of the hardest things to deal with and talk about.

But just after this my little brother was giving me advice because I couldn't find my digital camera charger. So he said I should pray about it so that I could find it. He even supported his theory by telling me a story that he heard at kids club. Maybe he is going to end up being a minister???Lol!!But sure enough I took his advice and there I found my charger. I told him and he said "sometimes our eyes decieve us but they don't decieve God." How amazing is he! I love him so much, I really hope our relationship stays strong as we grow up!

Well I g2g I'm watching Princess Diaries 2 with him now, how cheesey!But sure.Aww I'm really not looking forward to tomorrow, I've to go up the mournes somewhere I think for Georgaphy fieldwork. I hate it. I'm just not fussed on the whole walking up mountains and being in rivers thing. But it's got to be done I guess.I really should have a more positive attitude towards it and then it would be easier done. I hope I have fun!Please pray that I don't fall!!

Talk soon
xXx

Valentines Day-The Day of Love!

2007-02-14T18:35:00.000Z

Yes its the day that everyone puts in their diary....especially singletons like moi.

Ehh nah...I can safely erase that last sentence...but I won't coz its a good introduction!

So to distract myself from the hipe and jokes about valentines and indeed singletons, I decided to think about what love is....or rather who love is.

Love is God. Jesus. Holy Spirit.

"God loved us so much that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believes him will not perish but have everlasting life." John 3v16 (*How famous is that verse?*)

If there was no God there would be no love.

If God had not sent his son, there would be no love.

God gave us the ability to love, care, show kindness, trust etc.

I think the best kind of love is agape: selfless love of one person. (especially love that is spiritual in nature.)

So today I am comforted by the fact that I believe with all my heart-God loves me. He shows me more love than any valentine, secret admirer, rose, card or chocolates ever could.

But when I think about it more...God has already given me my valentines gift...his son.

I leave you with the lyrics of U2's newest song- Window in the skies! I love it! You gotta really think about the lyrics.

Hope you had a great love day!O and happy birthday to my cousin Naomi!

Window in the skies:

The shackles are undone

The bullets quit the gun

The heat thats in the sun

Will keep us when there's none

The rule has been disproved

The stone has been moved

The grain is now a groove

All debts are removed,

ooh

Oh can't you see what our love has done

What it's doing to me

Love makes strange enemies

Makes love when love may please Soul in a strip tease

Hate brought to its knees

Sky over our head

Can reach it from our bed If you let me in your heart

And out of my head

Oh can't you see what our love has done

Oh can't you see what our love has done

Oh can't you see what our love has done

What it's doing to me

Oh oh oh hhhhhhhhhhh

Oh oh oh hhhhhhhhhhh

Please don't ever let me out of here

I've got no shame

oh no oh no

Oh can't you see what love has done

Oh can't you see

Oh can't you see what love has done

What it's doing to me

Oh I know I hurt you and I made you cry

Did everything but murder but you and I

But love left a window in the skies

And to love I rhapsodize

Oh can't you see what love has done

to every broken heart

Oh can't you see what love has done for every heart that cries

Love left a window in the skies

And to love I rhapsodize

Oh can't you see

Window in the skie...

Perspective

2007-02-09T21:11:00.000Z

Hey dudes and dudettes!

How are ya'll?

How has your week been?

Mine has been up and down I guess all week. So difficult and I'm finding it really hard to be the only committed Christian in my group. I have to be so careful in the way I react to things and I've been so close to tears this week. I feel continuelly judged. I can't be grumpy without being accused of being rude or not being a good christian or being arguementitive! It's like I'm being controlled by my peers and not God. I mean I do love my friends it would just be nice to have someone I can really count on who is perhaps stronger in their faith than I am or going through the same thing! I miss Sara! And I'm pretty jealous of you baby coz you have a nice wee network of Christian friends in Down High! *jealously strikes* lol!! So this weekend I have planned to plug into God and really listen to him for guidance. I'm planning to go to mannafest 2morrow night and then I have to do something on Sunday night...Lol....i shall get something planned. Coz I opted out of going to the Beach Club on Sunday night....i mean yea I'm going to go 2 a club where drinks are £2 and is ID only (therefore my friends are taking fake ones!) and on a Sunday night- I don't think so!Lol.

So today I did have a little perspective in my view of christianity. It is hard work. All over the world. But it is the only faith that I've seen that even though you can be at the lowest point in your life...you can still feel a glimmer of hope and your able to smile through your tears. We had a talk in R.S today from Open Doors. This wasn't the 1st talk I'd heard from these guys but I was only 12/13 the last time I heard it and I'm sure it was toned down a lot back then. It was horrific to hear of the stories of tradgeys! I found it so hard to go back to normal classes and a normal day again! I actually felt unwell. I just can't believe that I can be loved the same amount as the people in places such as North Korea,China,Indonesia etc who are being tortured for their faith and not recanting. I am going to find it difficult I think to write this essay!Lol.

In light of this I'm so glad that I decided to go to Czech this summer. It means I can finally do something for God rather than just talking about it! It's going to be filled with challenges but that's the only way I'll grow! Me and my friend Sarah (Wilson) are team evangelists now...lol she is going to Kenya in summe too. Shes amazing!

If you guys get the chance then check out the link for this post. Its a video clip that I seen this week at Newtownbreada Baptist and I thought it was pretty cool! It's about the power of forgiveness.

Well guys I'm going to head on coz its actually 22.43 at the mo coz I ended up calling Sara in the middle of typing to discuss this weeks events. Lol! Love it! Well have a great week guys and don't give the postman too much bother with all those cards you're going to get this week!I hate Valentines...but it's just coz I'm bitter in that whole area! Lol!

(Friends make things so much better!)

Loves
Rach

xXx

Lost,distance and traps

2007-02-05T21:35:00.001Z

Hey guys!

How are ya'll?

Boy, is school busy these days I actually feel like I've no time for anything else but sleeping and eating! It's so depressing but lets hope its all worth it in the end coz I sure hope it is!

So I guess I should get straight to the point...i feel lost, distant and trapped by many different things! But of course the devil is making sure that its my relationship with God that suffers!Just for a change ooo if I could get my hands on him I tells ya!grr! My relationship at the moment with God seems lost and distant from me...o of course every night I'm shooting prayers up to him but they're the shopping list prayers ya know God help me with this help this person etc etc...I mean I know how to pray, I've listened to countless talks/seminars on this but it's in my head and not my heart! One of the main reasons I'm shooting up these prayers is because I think to myself 'that'll keep him happy, that'll please him!' But ya know it's probably making him more angry with me wishing that I would just hang with him and tell him what's on my heart even though he knows fine and well! Another thing I'm really not seeking forgiveness like I ought to! I went with my friends to Newtownbreda Baptist last night..yes, any excuse to get out of Raffrey trust me! And the whole talk and worship was based on forgiveness. We were taught how to forgive just like Jesus and it struck a cord in my heart and I'm really going to be thinking about it for the next few things.

I really feel werid in my walk with God now. And I totally accept all responsibilty for it! Coz God is always there. It just feels like I'm doing things and going places just for the sake of rountine and its as if I'm there in body and not mind. I know my friends are suffering but it's because I feel to ashamed to confess what is going on so I'm avoiding the people who know me best coz I know they'll find out whats wrong eventually. What about the trap I think I'm falling into? Well based on general observations in my church every Sunday morning for the past like 5 years...I think I can safely say that there is a thing such as a 'Raffrey Christian' the one who turns up for everything with a big smile but who are the biggest bunch of fakers. This makes up about 3/4 of my church. Don't get me wrong there are loads of geniue people in my church too and I love them dearly but unfortunately for others its in their minds and not their hearts. My minister trys hard and I wish him Gods blessings but I don't think it's enough anymore. Raffrey needs to take action...but when have presbyterians liked change? The moderator proved this 2 weeks ago! He did this whole guilt trip with the young people saying that we should remember our presbyterian roots and not leave because we want more up to date music! Eh the dude completely contradicted himself like...coz he said the presbyterian church is declining-Hello, should that not send off alarm bells in his headed. It's the church that needs to change! I guess the comforting thing I'm holding on to is that I know that I have God in my heart and that I chose the good life not the easy life so I just gotta get on with it!

Anyways...on a happier note. I took 14 girls for a cookery class in GB tonight. Those girls do make me smile and I'm so proud of them all and even though I do find it a burden sometimes when I get landed with them I always come around to them. So do you want to see their master pieces?

Pretty cool aren't they? These where my favourite made my Tily and Taylor!

There has been too much going on with life at the minute. There is so much to do and so many sacrafices to be made! I hate growing up! I have to build a website that appeals to an older generation within the next 2 weeks. I've got to start getting stuff ready for making Tims wedding invitations. I gotta get stuff prepared for GB next week. And I gotta start my R.S coursework on martyrdom.....which is snoresville! I wanted to do it on monks! Aww well hopefully I'll be able to be encouraged tomorrow as my prayer triplet are praying at break! Can't actually wait so I can see how other people pray! LOL!

By the way check out the link its my playlist for the week!

Prayers would be greatly appreciated right now! I'm being to think a life of monasticism (being a nun or monk) may not be that bad at all at least I would stay devoted to God. Talk to you later guys hope you're all doing good and don't judge me too harshly just finding things difficult right now and I'm rather upset about it. U2's words sum it all up brilliantly.....

'I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For.'

Byes!

Just a little....

2007-01-22T21:30:00.000Z

....note to say......that......I'm ok!

Lol. Yes I realise there has been a lack of blogging from me recently which I'm sure you've loved! I've been working on a post for like 2 weeks now but everytime I revisit it it only gets a couple of sentences longer and then I quit! I haven't really been in the mood to blog. And I guess you guys are gonna have to wait til the weekend or possibley 'til next week or the week after for a formal post. 'Coz I'm heading off to Belguim 2morrow until Friday. Then I have 3 essays to write for Monday and then I'll have work to catch up on seeing I'll have been away! O the joy!

Don't worry you're all still in my thoughts even though I'm not communicating! Lol.
Have a great week! It better not snow while I'm away...but I may see some anyway!
O, I arranged an appointment to visit Centre for Youth Ministry in Oxford on Feb 22nd so that should be fun and give me a little more insight to whats expected and the whole uni life thing!
Much love & peace
Rach
xXx

Scared and Confused!

2007-01-04T00:24:00.000Z

Hey....

So I had really planned for an earlyesh night 2night! But no of course my brain for a change has decided to go into over load! I hate this. Coz it's one of those nights where you've had enough late nights and just really feel like your going to keel over. But I've been in bed since 11.30 and I have had no such luck in sleeping. Therefore, I've resorted to making hot chocolate with marshmallows and my favorite cookies....M&S white chocolate one's-yum!So here's why I'm feasting and not nodding into dream world....

Ok........so I'm pretty scared about what happens next. I mean I haven't a clue what I would like to do after my A-levels. But I have made a great effort by fooling myself into thinking that I do know what I want. If you get me at all? I mean for ages I have thought about graphic design or youth work/ministry whatever. Now I'm really not sure. Meanwhile my dad is chipping in my ear about going into property...being a property developer/realter....but I'm not so sure if I can do that either?!? And when I was in Birmingham before Christmas and I was talking to Dolf and Sharon (woman who works for/with my dad) both said my dad has high hopes for me. Yea, way to load the pressure onto a 16 year old. Another thing.....when I go back to school we are starting the UCAS procedure....an experience that I have heard is not good. From other peoples comments I think I would rather pull my hair out, for the time I'm in careers class rather than have to participate! Also I know that my careers teachers are going to add even more pressure....hey! guess what they've succeeded already and we haven't even started to fill the forms in!!! I don't have a clue about uni's or whether I even want to go to uni. Another idea to just throw into the mix is that Sara and I discussed business ideas....shared them with our parents who laughed on our first comments then fired all the negatives at us.

I mean what is with that? They want us to decide what we want to do but when we make the effort to decide it's thrown back in our faces!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Another thing that is bugging me is the fact we have ONE life! I can only do so much for God here and I don't want to get into heaven by the skin of my teeth. But right now that looks pretty certain. Why couldn't life be easier? Why couldn't we discover the answers sooner?

Yea, and another thing. This year I'm going to lose at least two of my bestest friends. Catherine and Lynn. More than likely they will be heading off to uni in England. And that totally SUCKS! It may sound dramatic but I actually don't know what I'll do without them!?! I think I'll end up going into a state of depression...no joke. Catherine is the only person I have found on this earth so far who completely understands me. She's my angel. Granted she is a pain in the ass sometimes..but hey so am I! *tears* I'm not feeling the happy new year feeling.

Ok, so I had also like pretty much decided that I was going to apply for a job in Monsoon. I printed off the form and everything. Then before I tried sleeping I read my bible notes (ucb) and it was about growth and how not to rush it. And about how God will provide me with more responsibility when I'm ready. So then I'm thinking does that mean I shouldn't apply for this job? Will I not be able to handle this on top of my school work? One line that hit me was...

'So don't just desire something because it looks good in somebody else's life.'

That could be hinted at me because my friends around me have jobs. And I suppose I'm fed up of not having one and them asking how I get money and stuff and making me out to be daddy's wee girl...which I'm not. And I won't moouch of my dad- hinted at you Miss McKeown...I know you think that!

Aww right now all I want to do is jump on a plane....preferably a private jet....which of course my dad would provide! Ehh yea I wish. And head off to Canada...Montreal and hide in my log cabin. It makes me feel like no one knows where I am. Love it. Boy I've let out steam in that place. Look at it....it's beautiful. Grrrr!!! Tell me o please tell me why life has to be so darn hard and filled with stupid decisions? Right now its tempting to let someone else to decide for me i.e my family.

My best of 2006

2007-01-01T23:15:00.000Z

Hey hey!

So I've decided to review this year. In the areas that I love. Music.Film.Books.

These where not nesscessariley released in 2006 but they meant something to me in 2006!Lol!

Music

Albums:

U218 Singles-All the oldies all on the one cd. Love it!

Radio 1's live lounge-Featuring many of my favorite artists with some very strange and bazzar covers but amazing!One word to sum it up...goosebumps!

U2-How to dismantle and atomic bomb- Masterpiece. We all know they are great I don't need to tell you all that!

Snow Partrol-Eyes Open-Favorite song definately Chasing cars!Although I think I still prefer their Final Straw album!

Third Day-Wherever you are-Very encouraging.I have to say not as good as Wire in terms of musical content.But the lyrics will blow you away and make you smile!

Nerina Pallot-Fires-this girl has attitude.Lyrics make you think.

KT Tunstall-Eye to the telescope-her voice is gorgeous.Relaxing.But fun to dance to.Lol!

Gavin DeGraw-Chariot-Fun.Beautiful love songs.

Bon Jovi-Have a nice day-Cool.I love Jon Bon Jovi!Obvious reason why this is here then.

Secondhand Serenade-I found this guy on myspace and bought the album.Its beautiful. Acoustic melodies vs. Alto. His harmonies are to die for!

There have been many other singles and albums not metioned....I could go on forever...Such as Paolo Nutuni,James Morrison,Jamie Cullum,Beyonce,Edwain McCain etc etc!

Ya know I don't even have a top ten for films!

I only have 5 so far!Lol

I can't seem to think....

Films...

X-Men 3-The last stand-Hugh Jackman is to die for.But come on Halle Berry cannot act-I think I could do better!

The Lake House-For once we see a soft side to Keanu Reeves and his co-star is perfect, Sandra Bullock. A film that is not easy to understand at first glance. But after 10 views you know the script!

Pride and Prejudice-Guys you should watch this to see how to treat women.You are meant to stand when we enter a room and bow!!I want to go back to this time. I love Jane Austen! This is amazing. I fall in love with England everytime I watch it. I am going to visit all the houses used as sets on this film....one day!

Da Vinci Code-I think it is good to see other people's understanding of past happenings.Interesting. Plus the night I went to see it I went to see X-men then ended up going to see this after! Loved it. Double bill you could say?!

Just Like Heaven-Ok it is a chick flick. I admit it. But I love Mark Ruffalo!

Books....

Bible- beginning to learn and understand it better I guess?!?

Kim book 1,diary of a teenager-Melody Carlson (got the rest of the series for Christmas)

Sharon Osbourne-Extreme autobiography

Walk on-The Spiritual Journey of U2-Steven Stockman

U2 by U2

Help!Im a Student Leader-Doug Fields...funny

The Chase-scarey.interseting.life changing.

I think that is me...Sorry if the layout is messed up but its late and I can't figure out how to fix it right now!

I can't believe it is 2007 already!

I hope you all have a good one!

Much love & peace

Rach

xXx

What does Christmas mean to me?

2006-12-22T18:10:00.000Z

Hello ha!

So just to let you know this is my 30th post! YEY! Which ok is pretty lame considering the fact that I've been blogging since August 2005! But sure....I just take phases when I don't want to blog.

Hey, only 3 days til Christmas!

Ok I started writing this post last night (19th) and I'm continuing 2day (20th) but the way my week is going I'll not have it ready 2 post until friday or sat so bare with me if it gets confusing!It really doesn't feel like Christmas yet.

Although I am about 2 head out Carol singing now in the freezing cold...which I did try 2 skive off until my friend Paula rang me and put on her sweet little pleading voice and I took pity on her! So I've now 4 layers of tops on, my big black coat, a big thick scarf,a wooly but darn pretty grey hat with a little flower on the side and my pep finger gloves. The people who are to recieve our wonderful prescence and singing better appreciate it and give us loads of money (for charity,sweeties 4 us) so we can win the competition! I have 3 years running now!Yeeo! Well, I think our group won coz we raised £78.60 woohoo! Not sure on the overall total yet though.

Well my day (19th) consisted of two periods of European Studies which is SO boring but we get 2 go 2 Brussels in January so its not all bad. Then it was over 2 the church 2 practice 4 our Christingle concert 2morro night. Wow it was hard work singing all day I tell ya! And can anyone please explain 2 me what he heck a Christingle is...I've been lead 2 believe that it's about an orange,candles and some ribbon??Explainations would be greatly appreciated!

Anyways, what does Christmas mean to me? I've decided 2 think about this becasue I don't think I pay attention to the real truth well enough...I mean I acknowledge it and tell other people about it but I don't think it's sunk right in2 my heart and brain yet. But as I've been singing Christmas carols non-stop I've started to really think about the lyrics especially Third Day's version of O Holy Night they amaze me...this song amazes me....and its amazingly difficult to sing at times I've discovered!Lol.

Truly He taught us to love one another,

His law is love and His gospel is peace.

Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.

And in his name all oppression shall cease.

Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,

With all our hearts we praise His holy name.

Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we,

His power and glory ever more proclaim!

His power and glory ever more proclaim!

I just thought this summed up why Jesus had to be born on that Christmas day. He came down and was the most humble being to walk this earth. Imagine that stable. Cold.Dark.Wet.Smelly.Uncomfortable. The King of our earth was was born into our earth to show us that he was not just for the high flyers but as the song says the slaves who are our brothers! I think the nativity story also spreads hope. It shows me how much God loves me....just the way I am!Lol. Another thing I've noticed lately is I've been learning the importance of preparation. God had to prepare the world into which Jesus was born. It wasn't a fluke. God carefully planned his birth and purpose. Don't get me wrong I'm not going to completely freak out and become a total organised, tight scheduled person. I'm still going to be me..only thinking of what is ahead a little more carefully. If you get me? I hope you do coz I sure as heck don't!Lol! I think I had more to say on this whole subject but I've forgotten. Coz this post has been in my head all week and now that I get to finally get to type I can't think...typical....typical I tell ya!Lol!

Well all that is left to say is have a fantastic Christmas!
I hope Santa is good to you all and you aren't disappointed!
Please try to prevent yourself from going into a turkey comma!
Love you all loads but he loves you more!
Rach
xXxXxXxXx

Enjoying life....?!?

2006-12-12T18:56:00.000Z

Hey hey!

So first things first....do you like the new layout??I think its simple but beautiful. Although I'm pretty annoyed that the text over the pic (the verse) doesn't really stand out I can't figure out how to change the text colour....but I've done pretty well with the whole using html I think. I'm rather proud. But anyways...how r we all? It's only 13 days until Christmas! Woohoo! I can't believe that it's so close. And I got a digital camera! YEY! It sucks that I know before the day but sure....its a sony something something! I will give more details when I know more!Lmso.

Ok so the next paragraph may sound self absorbed but please don't take it that way...I don't mean it that way.So yea, I'm enjoying life at the minute. I seem to have a feeling of peace about me. And I love it! I mean I have exams but I'm not getting stressed....maybe I should be but really what is the point? I'm not worrying about silly things either..I've adapted the attitude of just let it go. O of course this doesn't mean I'm like yea whatever all the time only when I feel I need to be if ya get me? Ooo and I've actually been studying God's word and so far I've lasted longer than other attempts! At the moment I've started a study on Philippians...I really like Paul he is ace. I wrote about his conversion 2day! Boy did I strech that for 30 marks!oops lol!

Drums went well today and for the first time in ages I was proud of myself for what I had played. But part of the successfulness was because I went in happy and played with a little more confidence. So David told me that I would be a kick ass drummer if I was able to practice a couple of minutes everyday! O and it was flams that i was being tested on....which is one of things I'm worst at...so I came out with 9/10,7.5/10 and 5.5/10....without any practicing taking place.....so David was like just think what you' d be like if you did practice! O yea so I do have some potentional in the whole rockin drummer scene!Lol! Hmm I wonder if I will come out with the same postive remarks next week? The only way 2 insure that Rach is 2 get out there and practice I guess?!?

My exam was ok 2day. It was R.S- the study of Acts. The encouraging thing is that we had 2 pick 2 questions out of 4 and I know that I would have been answer all of them. But I can't help feeling that I haven't written in enough detail....but it wasn't only me that felt this! So I'm not alone!

Tomorrow I have geography in the morning. Which should be a laugh! But I've prepared mum for the worst! Some things are difficult 2 grasp...I admit that. So I'm just going 2 try my best...it's all I can do! But is that ever enough for this world? Then I jet off 2 Birmingham in the afternoon...yey! I can't wait 2 see Dolf, I've missed him. So I'll be even more encouraged returning from the seminar. I bet I'll be ranting about how I want to be a property developer again but sure I can always do that on the side for a little extra cash...what can I say it seems 2 be in the blood! And my dad wants us 2 be able 2 do this, incase, God forbid something should happen 2 him!

I got my hair cut today. I'm not sure about it. I got colour for the first time too. Blonde. Just in the front layers. But it isn't overly noticeable but for the first time its better to be safe than sorry. Then I got it cut shorter at the back and longer at the front. The style seems to be 'in'. I think I need to wash my hair and then I'll feel better about it!

Well I better hit the books! aggrrhh- yuck! But I guess it has to be done. Wow! I've written quite a lot 2night! cool! I hope you enjoy. And for goodness sakes, if you read this. Try and leave a comment. Even just hello. Thanks!

In his grasp,
Lvyas
Rach
xXx

Just for you Paul....Lol!

2006-12-05T22:31:00.002Z

Hey hey!
So it has been soooo long since I updated, I'm not really sure why haven't bothered 2 blog but I guess I'm doing it now. All in honor of Sir Paul Bowman as I think he is feeling neglected my lack of posting...isn't that true B?

So how r we?

Ready for Christmas....??I'm excited but not really enjoying the whole buying presents thing!! Christmas is so commercialised nowadays it's totally crazy. When I rule the world/make little changes, I will make sure that the meaning of Christmas is explained to everyone....somehow!Which is of course that little baby Jesus was born into the world in a stable, but remember the wisemen didn't show up straight away...it was probably like 2 years before they got there! But I guess they were following a star so they could only travel at night?!

Right now I'm on my work experience/placement/shadowing with Paul getting an insight as to what it is really like to be a Youth worker/leader/pastor (choose your own lablel). But I guess I never really realised that the real central role of being in youth ministry is being the leader. Making your decisions based on what God is telling you and being able to communicate that to everyone-boy I think that would be rather hard work! It's also about having vision and going with your vision! You also have to discover the art of being able to balance your work and your life. I guess thats the same with every job but I think it is slightly harder to seperate in this case, I haven't completely discovered why but it's just a thought. Another thing would be that you have to take time to carry out your daily devotionals. Ok, that applies not just to this job but to my Christian lifestyle, and I have been failing in this part of my walk with God for some time. So a big lesson I have learnt so far is take time to do things and prioritise. So I think that I have learnt so much in only 2 days, I've been having a fantastic time, and Rach D is SO jealous!!!!teehee! Tomorrow, I am heading down 2 Saintfield High 2 take SU...I think I'm prepared. It's all about how God/Jesus is a gift. I mean what a gift to the world? God's son arriving on earth to live amoungst his people! Just amazing!

Well I'm gonna shot the crow! I hope you enjoyed reading, if so why not leave a comment? hint hint! Lmso. Plus tips would be much appreciated on what on earth I should blog about!Lol! Ooo how I hate tiredness wouldn't it be awesome if like once a month your body was able 2 go without sleep 4 a couple of days? Imagine what you could achieve?! Aww well I'm not planning 2 find out what that feels like anytime soon!Lol.

Talk to you guys soon
I'm praying 4 ya...chin up and smile!
Lvya
xXx

Which seed am I?

2006-10-29T22:24:00.000Z

Hey everyone!
It's been a while since I've blogged and hey my last post was pretty strange,I had a lot of anger 2 vent out there!Lol.

So it's harvest time again and I'm reminded of the beauty and splendor of the world and I can't believe how some people think all of this has been created by some huge explosion!I mean come on!!Lol. Well I was at the harvest service at my church tonight and I was reminded of this little parable, and I found that God was using this tonight to hit a few home trues with me...

Ok,so there are 4 different places that the seed falls,

Some fell on the road and the birds came and ate it up- these are the people who listen to the word but they do not understand it and do not make any effort to try and understand it.
Some fell on the rocky ground where there wasn't much soil, so the roots weren't deep-these are the people who listen to the word and quickly accepts it with joy but does not let the teaching grow deep in their lives. So when persecution or trouble comes along they can't handle it.
Some fell on the thorny weeds which grew and choked the good plants-these are the people who hear the word but let worries about this life and temptations of the world stop them from growing in faith.
Lastly, some fell on the good ground where it was able to multiply-these are the people who are rooted in Gods' teaching and love. These are the people who understand the word and let's it grow in their lives so that it multiplies and takes effect in their lives.

(Taken from Matthew 13)

So at the moment if I'm totally honest I think I am the seed that fell on the thorny weeds. But I'm glad God brought this to my attention because only now can I fix it. And there are two ways to react to this realisation, 1.)PANIC and worry because I've failed and I have'nt shown God the love and respect he truely deserves or 2.)I can ask God for forgiveness and move on and try to make a difference. And right now I think I'm worrying and panicing enough about other stuff so I guess I'll opt for option 2!

Well I leave for bonnie Scotland on Tuesday....I can't wait!!!I am meeting up with Rachy lass on Wednesday all being well and I'm SO excited that I get 2 see her again!YEY!

Omgoodness, after church we had a wee choir practice (the Russians-6 girls), we usually sing a wee piece at Christmas. Last year we sang Do you hear what I hear?and it was totally amazing...if I do say so myself. But we have now took the plunge and we are looking at doing O Holy Night......hmmm well there were a lot of giggles to be shared tonight as we tried to reach top G....YES......TOP G!!!!So please we need your prayers that we can keep practicing this and hopefully make it beautiful. Plus our musical director- Elizabeth has done something 2 her leg and has a big plaster on with crutches so she really needs our prayers!

Well guys I'm gonna shoot the crow coz I got up at 8.30am today thinking it was 9.30am so it has completely knocked me out of sync. I need a lot of shut eye!!! Hope y'all are well!!!

Love ya all lots

xXx

What's enough?

2006-09-18T20:49:00.000+01:00

Hey!

Since when has being yourself not been enough?
Since when has giving your best not been enough?
Since when did you have to be judged by what's on a piece of paper?
Since when did you have to go to this and do that to rate your importance?
Since when have smiles not mattered?

What is happening to the world around us?
Is our generation glazed with self-righteousness?
How long are we going to sit and wait for someone else to take action?

I don't think I can take much more of this, I'm way to confused!
Please let me run away to Russia!
Is this it?

Busy,Busy,Busy...

2006-08-14T12:20:00.000+01:00

Hey everyone!!

How are you all?I haven't blogged in ages, but it seems like I haven't stopped since I got home from Arizona. Ok so straight after I got home from Arizona I had a day 2 recover and then I was off to Summer Madness for a long weekend...this is one of the best times I have had in my life. I mean I was feeling a bit apprehensive about the camping and the people I was with etc but it was fantastic and I was able 2 cope with not a lot of sleep and being jet lagged pretty well. Although I think on the Sunday after being there only 1 night that I was really tired just by looking at my face!Lol.(well so I was told by Paul...he greeted me with "aww you look pretty jet-lagged!"what a great compliament!!teehee only kidding it didn't bother me that much) That weekend was such a life changing experience and I got 2 go on a streetreach taster which was fab and I am definitley doing it next year without a doubt.

So the rest of that week I relaxed and caught up with friends. But the relaxing didn't last too long...my cousins arrived from Canada and we had 2 cram in as much time as we could 2 see each other before we would head off 2 Spain 4 2weeks. We had an amazing bbq followed by a water fight which ROCKED!Joel (aged 8) really got me...he attacked me with the hose and put it down the pockets in my shorts and I was totally drenched. The rest of the week I continued 2 catch up with friends and packed 4 Spain.

Then it was off 2 Spain. I wasn't sure if I was going 2 enjoy this holiday or not. But it was good. Of course I'd still prefer 2 go 2 Canada or America any day but sure. I enjoyed sun,sea,sand and shopping but I was glad 2 get home. We got home late on Sunday (6th) then I was straight into working for my dad. But I got cheered up on monday night as I went 2 Game on @ Rowallene Gardens in Saintfield. This was the best youth night I have ever been 2!(Thanks every1 who was involved). Then working tuesday, 18th birthday party that night, then packed 4 going 2 Portrush the next day!

Basically I have been living out of a suitcase since the 17th June and I only fully unpacked on Saturday past (12th August). This summer has totally rocked my socks of course there have been ups and downs but it has been jammed packed!And its not over yet....I'm working the rest of the summer on and off, meeting up with people, shopping and of course getting my results!!YIKES!I'm so glad I have been busy coz it means I haven't had the chance 2 really think about my results or the future....coz it scares the begebies out of me!I think for the moment I'm going 2 hide my head in the sand for the next few days...I'm pretty good at doing that!

Well I'm all up 2 date now!!Lol I'm going 2 post some pictures from spain here...enjoy!I hope you are all well and I haven't forgotten any of you, you are all still in my thoughts and prayers!Don't be afraid 2 drop me an email or text or whatever I have time while I'm in work. Basically I do get bored so I'd be glad 2 reply!

Love you all loads!!
God Bless
Rach
xXx

Grand Canyon Photo's

2006-06-26T04:49:00.000+01:00

If you click on the link it will take you 2 bebo where I uploaded all the pictures from my trip lol!Love and miss ya's lots!xXx

The Grand Canyon!

2006-06-25T04:46:00.000+01:00

Hey ya'll!!

Well I didn't tell you that I was going 2 the Grand Canyon in my last post..because I didn't know I was going either!!!!Lol.My dad completely surprised me. Here is how the convo went..
he said yesterday morning "we are goin up 2 the Grand Canyon"
"I was like kool.When? tomorrow?" (meaning Saturday today)
And he was like "no right now you've got 10minutes 2 pack and then we are going up."
I was really excited but I had made plans for us 2 meet up with my dads friend (Dolf de Roos-Real Estate Extrodinare...fantastic guy full of wisdom and knowledge!!) But we were 2 call him or vice versa....hmm unfortunately we dropped out of service and haven't had any since.Which I hate.I never realised how much I actually rely on my cell. I mean I felt really insecure at the fact that it didn't work!Lol, stupid I know...but at least I am honest.

So anyhow it was 5 hours up here from Phoenix but it really didn't feel that long at all!!We listened 2 Dolf de Roos audiobook called Wealth Magnet it is very interesting and inspiring!I love this guy!Lol. The journey here was not at all boring though there was spectular scenery the whole way here, it was great! Basically got the hotel, went to the room, had dinner and went to bed. Throughout this trip I have been dropping hints well ok not really hints but you get me,lol. That I would really love 2 go on a helicopter ride over mountains...I thought you could maybe do this back in Phoenix..but no such luck. Then my dad surprised me again and said that we were taking the helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon. This was an unbelievable experience...one reason because I had never been on a helicopter before and the other it was flying over the Grand Canyon. Nothing can prepare you for the views you see on the copter....for the first 10-15mins you are flying over trees thats it....then as you get closer and closer to the edge you don't think its a big deal. Then BAM you are flying over this huge canyon and you also feel as you fly over the edge that you are just going 2 fall it is an amazing experience!!!I record most of it on my camera so if any of you wanna see my terrible filming skills then let me know!I loved it...even when the pilot did funny tricks 2 try and scare me...he succeed but at least I overcame a fear 2day...Woohoo!!

After the flight we drove down to the canyon and walked around, not the whole way around but as far as you could go. This just gave you a different perspective. O yea I warn you..do NOT wear new shoes when you go 2 walk here because I did and I am suffering now with several blisters!The name of the canyon pretty much sums it up GRAND!!But you know it was really hard 2 imagine that God is miles bigger than this canyon....I mine its huge!!It's just outstanding to believe that my Saviour is way bigger, stronger and mightyer!But its true he really is!

Another thing I really do not understand is that so many people who live here in America have not been down here 2 see the canyon!I mean what is wrong with them? The guy Dolf I was talking about has never been and other people we meet here have never been!They are missing out SO much...it's in their country and they are not making use of it...so strange!Lol. I mean it is only 5 hours from Phoenix...you could come up here and back in one day.Lol...anyhow I think I'm ranting a bit. Well I've been trying 2 post pictures but it just ain't workin!!errr!!

Well i'll try and get this sorted soon
Love and miss you all lots!
God Bless!
Rach
xXx

Dollars,deals and desert

2006-06-19T23:21:00.000+01:00

Hey hey everyone!!
How are we all doing?I hear it's raining at home, well not 2 rub it in too much...but i am in Phoenix,Arizona USA and it is 113*F here right now it is lovely and actually really bearable coz there is no humidity. Everything is so different, i mean they don't have very many normal trees because they can't grow deep enough roots in the deserty soils, and even if there are trees they are all bent over coz the roots aren't deep and strong enough. But it's so cool 2 see Cactus' ,Palm trees and mountains. Flying over Phoenix was breath-taking I literally said out loud WOW as I looked out of the window. As we were on the flight I was begining to think, o my word is this flight ever going 2 end and will it all be worth it?There was no need 2 doubt, it really really was worth those long 11hours!!

So far me and dad haven't really done very much, because the jet-lag really gets you. We are now 8 hours behind u all.But we have went shopping (which is amazing!!),looked at dad's property and went 2 a conference.The conference was so boring but I suppose thats all part of the deal.Only thing is I wasn't too happy when dad spent 3 hours in 2 different electronic shops.But he is going 2 get pay back 2day!!

Well i have 2 go and get in the shower and get ready 2 head out.I hope you are all keeping well and i'll let you know whats happening over here coz I think we are goin 2 head 2 a ranch and a safari so i'll let u know how that goes!

Love and miss ya'll!!
God bless!
Rach
xXx

Hurt (song/poem)

2006-05-27T16:42:00.000+01:00

I'm lyin on the floor
My closest companions are bears
How come the world can't accept me?
I know they shouldn't matter
But they do to me
I live for their opinions and thoughts

Why does life have to be so hard?
Stress,drama,tramua,pressure
Why can't it all go away?
People try to tell you it'll be ok
Sometimes I convience myself that it's true
Then I break again, and who will put me together?

I'm scared of me,of you,of this life
Take me to a safe place far from here
Away from the hurt,pain and brokeness
Why can't they love me,for me?

Paint me a picture of something beautiful
Is that even possible?
'Coz everything looks black and shades of grey
I feel frayed,lost and invisible
Is there even anyone there?

My body aches all over
What will take away this pain?
I need a healing touch
But you're no where to be found
How could you leave me to face
the world myself?

Look into my eyes,tell me you need me
Show me where you want me to go
Pick me up from the floor, dust me off
I know I'm hopeless but point me in the
right direction
Stay with me,hold me tight and never let go!

Something new

2006-05-24T18:37:00.000+01:00

Hey there!

So how r we all?And I am now convienced that there is no1 there because my past 3 enties have been ignored.Shame on u people!Aww I miss ya's all,lol.Therefore, I am going 2 try something different 2 see if I can revive u's a wee bit!?!If that is at all possible?But I feel like blabberin a wee bit 1st....what a surprise?You guys have know idea how relieved I feel 2night,because I had my 1st gcse 2day and it went fine. I think I answered every question 2 the best of my ability so there's not really much else I can do.I'm so glad 2 get the 1st 1 out of the way coz i already feel more focused on the rest of my exams. Now that I've been in the situation and know what 2 expect.Roll on another 9-10...ooo the joy they bring!!lol not!How are everyone else's exams goin??I can't believe I'll be free for the Summer on Friday 16th June.Wow, so early and the very next day I jet off 2 Phoniex,Arazona (USA).

Ok, now 4 the something new.Well generally when I blog on here its always like a diary entry so I've decided I'll show (as in type here) you some things I scribble down in my actually diary.lol.....yes, rather a big step!Ya'll should feel really priviledged.Ok, so a couple of times I have tried to write songs (emphasis on tried!!) so at long last I have decided I will post them here and let u guys tell me what u think.

The 1st one is called Shine in me, the reason I'm sharing this one is because my wee dear Cate said that this was her favourite,she has even started 2 write music with it and we have an idea how we want it 2 sound but the lyrics still need a lot of work.lol.I cannot stress this enough,these lyrics are rough.But here goes...

God reign in my heart

and soul

Show me what is

right and what your will is

for me

(Chorus) Where should I go?

What should I do?

Make me shine, Lord

Glow like the stars you created

Let people notice that I am shining

Shining for you!

You made me just from dust

You created each person uniquely

You reign in my heart

I love you

(Chrous) Where should I go?

What should I do?

Make me shine, Lord

Glow like the stars you created

Let people notice that I am shining

Shining for you!

(Pre chorus) Face the fate

Despite what the world thinks

If you love God

Then let your light shine!

Chorus again

Yes,I told you it needed work my songs always end up turning out as poems/songs/rant and raves!lol.Also I believe I wrote this like last summer, but I have tried 2 fix it up a bit.Well I'm sorry the torment is not over yet as I am gonna share another concoction with ya.This one is called Day to Night....

You swear, you laugh,you joke and clap

You're always in but always out

Do you help?Or make it worse?

Who do you follow,the leader of the group?

(Chorus) In the day you're different

You don't care and you can't bare God

But the shadow of the night transforms you

Then you're Gods'

Night is here

You shead a tear

For those who are hurt

And cannot work

You want to help

But you're afraid of the people of the day

Who critise you

And laugh at the risen one!

(Chrous) In the day you're different

You don't care and you can't bare God

But the shadow of the night transforms you

Then you're Gods'

(Bridge/Ending) Where do you go from here?

Reach out your hand and you'll be saved by grace!

The Lord is salvation

So find your faith

And trust the living God!

In my defence I wrote this during an English class a few months ago. And I was just jotting down what I saw around me. But it really doesn't have a song structure?!?So there you go, this just proves that I care about you all so much that I would share something like this with you all!!lol.

Well I suppose I should really go and do something 'constructive' i.e revise.So I'll talk 2 u all later and I hope everything is going ok with everyone.Remember I'm here if you need me and I'm looking for any excuse 2 get me out of revising!!lol.

Lvya's as always

Rach

xXx

End of an era!

2006-05-10T22:22:00.000+01:00

Hey ya'll!!

Ok I can't start bloggin til I say omgoodness...how amazing is the weather???It's so beautiful.Is it just me or is it way easier 2 appreciate life and creation when it's sunny and warm like it has been?I have even got sunburnt 2day and yesterday!Woops should have been wearing sunscreen.It really feels like summer has come early, and that makes it so hard 2 try and study!

Yes chums you've guessed it....I got off 4 study leave.I've been 'off' since Monday.Whats with the commas?Well I have been in school yesterday and today so it really doesn't feel like I've left SHS.I mean it has not hit me at all that I'm not really a student there!When we were told I just smiled and even lookin at my other buddies who were pretty upset I still didn't feel like crying.lol!!So it will hit me sometime when I least expect it...woohoo!NOT.

So because of all this happening, I've been thinking and I've realised.....I DON'T WANT TO GROW UP!!!Right now more than ever I wish Neverland was real. (Peter Pan-you never have 2 grow up).So I'm not that siked about being 16 anymore eihter of course being 16 has advantages...but I want 2 hide out in my room and hope that I don't get any older!It's too scarey.I mean very soon my exams will be over,then summer will be over then if my results go well then I'll be back in a new school,which I still have not decided.New people,new surroundings,new rountine....just an undiscovered world of scareyness!People who are in grammar schools right now are so lucky coz u's will more than likely be in the same school for another 2 years.And you know what?Will I even be able 2 do my A levels?Coz I have been finding the work 4 GCSE's tough enough 2 keep on top of, how on earth will I cope with A levels?Plus I really don't want 2 go 2 a different school from Sara (bestest buddie) coz she's such a rock and I've got so used 2 being in school with her!!And I'd miss her 2 much.Agghhh!!!!!!

As well as my classes coming 2 an end in SHS, so have my SU days. Sara and I took it 2day 4 the last time!aww so sadRather disappointed as well though coz I felt it didn't go 2 well!Mrs Laird made a wee speech and everything and then gave us a present!It was so lovely!But no gift could ever top the advice and kindness she has shown me over my past 5 years at SHS...so Mrs Laird if by some off chance u read this thank you so much for everything....don't know what I'm goin 2 do without ya!

Sorry ya'll I have went on here quite a lot!Tell me if you want me 2 write less,coz that is maybe why none of u are communicating with me anymore coz you shout yikes when u see how much I've typed!!lol.Do keep in contact though coz I want 2 know what you guys are going through right now!Talk 2 ya'll soon!!

Lvyas lots like jelly tots!
God Bless
Rach
xXx

Restored

2006-04-21T19:39:00.000+01:00

Hey ya'll!

Hows it goin kido's?haha.Yes I finally sound happy.U can all breathe a sigh of relief u don't have 2 listen 2 me moan and wine 4 once!!woohoo I think I've broke a record....my own record of course lol!!So how r we all?R we havin good hols?I kinda am as dorky,nerdy,weird,stupid etc as this next comment is gna sound....I'm actually enjoyin revisin'... don't get me wrong I hate doin papers and all but it feels good 2 have achieved something.It makes me feel more confident and prepared 4 my exams.And do u no what occured 2 me 2day?U no we (whoever is doin exams) are only a number 2 the examiner he/she doesn't care about where we are now,whats goin on in our lives etc...so u no we kinda need 2 show off what we can do.I hope u understand what I'm sayin coz I no exams aren't everything and I'm so pleased that they aren't.And the thing that comforts me through all of this, is that God doesn't care what the heck ur results are like.He won't rank u any higher or lower coz u no what?He doesn't have ranks!!Woohoo.lol (again if this doesn't make any sense im so sorry!4give me)

So the title...I always seem 2 talk about the title here on the 2nd par. how weird?Anyways I was listenin 2 a cd I bought a while back.I can't believe that it ever left my player coz its flippin amazin I love it!lol.It is Jeremy Camp-Restored.The lyrics in it are so fresh and encouraging!I mean the song Restored is how I've been feeling lately...ever so slowly God has been restoring me and I think he's making me strong as we go along which is fantastic!So here are the lyrics...

All this time I've wandered around searching for the things I'll never know
I've been searching for this answer that only will be found in your love
And I feel it
My heart is being mended by your touch
And I hear it
Your voice that's shown my purpose in this world

(Chorus)You have restored me from my feeble and broken soul
You have restored me

I've only come to realize my strength will be made perfect at your throne
Laying all reflections down to see the precious beauty that you've shown
And I feel it
My heart is being mended by your touch
And I hear it
Your voice thats shown my purpose in this world.

(Chorus)

(Bridge)Laying all these questions down youve answered what I need
You've given more than I deserve your making me complete
You give me all these open doors I'm humbled at your feet
To show me what youve done for me.

(Chorus)

All this time I've wandered around searching for the things I'll never know

(Rach talkin now)And also the next song is good 2, its about how no matter what we do when we go back 2 God 2 ask 4 his 4giveness we always no his answer, he'll always say 'I'll take you back'.Which is amazin!So if any of ya want a copy of this let me know coz its a pretty good album I mean even if u dnt like his music,or him or his voice its still a gd 1 2 listen 2 coz the lyrics are great!

Okies well I think thats me 4 now.I've 2 go learn some more french and then I'm gna chill and watch Hotel Rawanda.Is it good?Coz i decided 2 hire it out but its app deep stuff about Africa I think?Well I can let ya'll no!Thanks again 4 readin/listenin hopefully this has been easier 2 read/listen 2!Wahey.Nearly 4got 2 tell ya's I got my hair cut and I mean really got it cut I got like 2-4inchs off it 2day so light and short but cool im lovin it!thanks 2 my wee haridresser Browna woohoo go her!

God Bless
Lvyas as always
Rach
xXx

Green with Jealousy?

2006-04-13T19:11:00.000+01:00

Hey ya'll!

How r ya's?I can't believe it is finally Easter,how mad?It's pretty wick at the same time tho coz I'm gna have 2 cram so much revision in over this week and a bit.Agghh!!!Not worried about most subjects well not as much as French I hate it with a passion and my oral is the Thursday we go back 2 school!again aaggghh!!lol.Do you know...there is so much 2 do and so little time 2 do it in??So these past few days have been rather crazy...I've been getting my art course finished off and I even went in2 skool yday (overtime!honestly child labour) 2 try and get things finished off and I still have a couple of pages 2 do and I worked on it all day yday and 2day.

So whats with the title?Well i have 2 admit that deep down the green eyed monster has reappeared.(translated means im feeling jealous). Why?well because people that I am close 2 (my closest friends) seem 2 be far away from me.It feels as if they are all hanging out, going off with each other,chatting away.....with out me.Basically I'm feeling really left out. So im left wondering what is it that I don't have that other people do and other people want??Humor,good looks,good figure,confidence etc?I know I should be saying but, God has made me the way he wants me and there is a reason 4 it, and he loves me just the way I am. But when u tell urself and others tell you, the opposite everyday then its pretty hard 2 believe!I feel tired,misused,misplaced and rejected.I'm not sure that Im making much sense but it helps me 2 write this all down,whatever comes 2 my head whether its sense or nonsense!

Sorry that this had 2 be boring and depressing!
Talk 2 ya'll soon
Rach
xXx

Where am I?

2006-03-28T19:45:00.000+01:00

Hey....were are you all???I'm sitting here pouring my guts out 4 u guys and u all seem 2 have disappeared off the face of the earth....whats up with that??LOL

I am finally 16!YES...I don't know why I'm so chuffed at this prospect but I am lol.I had a great weekend with my wee chicks from school (sorry ash and courts 4 ur pointless journey 2 Starbucks) and guess what I had a caterpillar cake how amazing YUMMY!

Ooo have 2 tell ya'll that my art is nearly complete so im really happy about that lol,weight lifted!woohoo!!But I'm slightly freaking about everything else..why are there so many pressures put on us nowadays?It's really not fair and I'm finding it rather hard 2 handle.
I don't see how im going 2 be prepared 4 my exams and with so many things going on outside school its so hard 2 keep up.This also means that my relationship with God is suffering (big style).I mean I can't even hear what he wants me 2 do anymore,where he wants me 2 go,what he wants me 2 do!!And I feel helpless because what can i do 4 God?I have a routine that never changes,(and I really want 2 break the mould!)so how can I do meaningful work 4 him with all this going on?I found myself calling out 2 him last night asking where am i?I don't know what I'm doing at the mo...And through all this I know it is the small things like reading my bible and praying constantly, are the things that I should be doing and Im not doing!But I don't know about other people but I find it really hard 2 read the bible (not coz I can't read) but u know what I mean?So if anyone has any advice please do not hesitate 2 let me know ur thoughts coz I really need any help or advice I can get at the moment!Anyway thats my moaning over 4 now...

Its 10 days 2 my formal!WOOHOO!!I cannot wait but I'm slightly worried about my dress only seen it once (coz its being made) so I hope the finishing product is good!lol.I worry 2 much really dont i?lol this is the only place that I'll admit this so keep it hush hush...wouldn't wanna damage my street cred!

Well anyway gotta go and get stuck in2 revision wahey the fun is never ending, thanks 4 listening/reading if any of u do anymore?You're prob all sick of my moaning but sure....talk soon

Lvyas all
Rach xXx
God Bless

I randomly wanted 2 post this

2006-03-17T22:14:00.001Z

I've gotten back into poetry and I loved this one and decided 2 share it with ya'll hope ya'll like it...no i haven't moved 2 Texas yet I just love saying ya'll!!lol

I carry your heart with me, EE Cummings

I carry your heart with me

(I carry it in my heart)

I am never without it

(anywhere I go you go ,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing my darling)

I fear no fate

(for you are my fate, my sweet)

I want no world

(for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart
(I carry it in my heart)

Wow im getting good at this!

2006-03-15T20:52:00.000Z

Hey ya'll!!

Wow I can't believe that I'm actually writing here again within the same month!lol.I blame feb coz it's not long enough only 28 days and that's why i never even wrote in feb.Well to all who don't know, it's my birthday in a week and 2days (Fri 24th) so I really can't wait.~Anyway~

Today I had the start of my art exam, all day.It wasn't actually as bad as I had anticipated because I did get quite worried and anxious before hand, I've hardly slept between Sunday and today.So being in the same room 4 6hours beside the same people looking at white material and needles is rather boring and did drive me crazy...wait until u see the photo my friend took of me I have scissors in my hand and look like I'm totally insane!But I survived and I know full well that it wasn't my strength and effort alone that got me through.Of course my savior was there helping me coz boy did I need it.But unfortunately I didn't think Jesus was with me at all the few days prior....basically I had lack of faith big style, I got stuck in a rut but hopefully I'm back on track.And someone reminded me of this and to them I am so grateful coz their words really spoke and sunk in!So thank u (u know who u r).

So of course I had SU today. I had baked a chocolate cake and it seemed 2 draw a couple of people in..woohoo!My plan worked.I had 2 open 2days meeting in prayer which ok I pretty much screwed up, but Im sure people forgot about it coz the cake was a good distraction.Although I wouldn't admit this anywhere else i did feel like a slight hypocrite because, I have had lack of faith and hope recently (i suppose of the tracks a bit) and im sure the rest of the club are getting on good in their relationship with God.But there I was slightly struggling to hang on and opening 4 every1 in prayer.

I was just thinking maybe a good way to try and help me focus on my relationship with God would be to start writing songs again, even though my lyrics can be pretty shaky sometimes I think it would help me vision again how awesome God really is.There you go I think I'll have 2 snatch a few minutes out my day to do that now. Sorry that was rather random!

Well I think that is us pretty much up 2 date!I just want 2 leave u all with a verse that came 2 me on Tuesday night....

"Let us,then,feel very sure that we can come before God's throne where there is grace.There we can receive mercy and grace to help us when we need it." Hebrews 4v16

I hope u all are doing well and if u have any tips 4 me on how 2 get back on track feel free 2 let me know.Or even better if 1 of u r goin through the same thing then talk 2 me coz we can strengthen each other!Talk 2 ya'll soon

Lvya's as always...but some1 loves u more than I ever could!
God Bless
Rach xXx

Just a really quick note

2006-03-02T16:03:00.000Z

Woohoo!I havent broken my leg...I just pulled 6 ligaments in my knee.Well anyway just wanted 2 say please don't try looking for our SU website coz its closing down sorry!lol i g2g now sorry talk soon tho.
lvyas all
God Bless
Rach xXx

My first day of spring!

2006-03-01T21:50:00.000Z

~Hey all!~
How r we?Im rather tired now as I will explain why later.I can not believe it is March already!So that means its my birthday in 24days!Remember that!!LOL.Well my day started off ok today I was tired but i mean thats normal.School was just school.I had SU and it was pretty good and we've got a website now..how funky so check it out im not sure of the address off the top of my head but just type in google (in lower case) shssu,that should lead you 2 it....wait i just tried that and it doesnt work I'll let u no at a later date what the addy is.

So yea its countdown now until I do my art GCSE its in 2weeks 2day how fun!Seriously I am advising people 2 not do art there is far to much coursework unless u really have a passion 4 art then dont pick it trust me!lol of course i have a passion 4 it but i just like doing it 4 myself.Anyway thats a whole load of blabber.

So we are planning 2 put on this really cool concert in September hopefully so I'd be greatful if you would all pray as we prepare to do this and esp. pray that we (I) find the confidence 2 actually do this for God.

Well I'm saving the 'best' story til last....so why was my 1st of march so terrible?I was heading out 2 band practice and I wasn't thinking and I walked out the door and slipped on the ice outside my door and fell right on my bottom and my leg landed a funny way like a 90 degree angle out to the right (it was my right leg) so I lay there shouting 4 my mum.Finally I got back in and ive been sitting on the sofa ever since.My mum wanted me 2 get it x-rayed but I couldn't face going outside again so I'm goin 2 take my next plan of action 2morro.

So Im going 2 head 2 bed because I am so tired!I'm still praying for you all and I'm hoping that all of you are keeping well and be careful in the snow/ice!!

Love ya all
Rachel
xXx

It's a New Year (well 21 days into a new year!)

2006-01-21T11:38:00.000Z

Hello ha!
Yes so it looks like I've been abducted by aliens or something seeing I haven't blogged in a while,but trust me I'm not hurt, or dead by the looks of it!So how are you all?(if anyone is there?)

I hope you had a good Christmas. I keep saying to everyone,that, my Christmas was really quite but really it wasn't, I was out most nights which I am paying 4 now coz I have 2 sit and revise 4 my mocks!How wick??

Well I can't say that so far this year has started a slow pace,coz it really hasn't, God has already blessed me with tough decisions feelings and thoughts I wouldn't have put it quite like that last week!But I have a new attitude this year and it's mostly to forgive and forget,I've had first had experience at that already and it really does work you just need to call on God and he will help you!And I've also decided to lean on God this year instead of my own understanding,coz I don't always see the big picture but with talking to God and reading God's word and yes, listening to him will help me understand his plan a whole lot more.

I've also decided to try and help people a lot more,no matter who they are and try to see people the way God/Jesus see them. Listen to me rumbling' on I sound like I'm going to try and change and take over the world.....yes,beware that is my true plan 4 this year!LOL
So I hope you all are well and if you need anything or have any questions you know anything then drop me an email,comment,txt,phone call whatever!

O nearly 4got to even talk about the 2k6 live concert!It was amazin!!Seriously if you weren't there first of all why not? And secondly you missed a great night,God really worked in people, including myself I've never felt so enthusiastic and happy about God and life in general!And girls, you missed all the talent (hot boys), but that was just an added big bonus!Well if anyone was there and seen me, you have never 2 metion my dancing!LOL,basically I can't, but boy, head flicks are so much fun!!Anyway, "im supposed 2 be revising"....Mocks in a week (scary bickies)

Love you all so much,but God loves you more!
Rach xXx
(Jack Russia)

So this is Christmas and what have you done?lol

2005-12-13T15:55:00.000Z

Hey everyone!
Well i've been offline for a while (my internet bust!) Well yes it is Christmas and what have I done this year?I've been thinking about that lately...isn't it strange how we can always think of what others have done but never ourselves? Well another thing that has been on my mind is how the media and basically the world are trying to force the true meaning of Christmas out the window!I was driving through Belfast and noticed the Heiniken bill board add wishing you HAPPY HOLIDAYS- they can't even right CHRISTmas intsead it could be xmas!

Well I'll get off my stage now and stop preachin!But I'll say one thing... I love Christmas and all that comes with this season but I try not to lose sight of what its all about!

I'm guessing I won't be writing much between now and Christmas so if I don't I want to wish you all a fantastic Christmas and I hope you all get plently of rest and try not 2 eat 2 much!LOL

Love you all
xXx

Sorry I've neglected this!

2005-11-04T22:13:00.000Z

Heyo to all (if anyone actually reads this anymore)

Well, I don't really have a lot to say.I have been very busy lately though with school mostly and trying to catch a breath in between to relax a bit, which is hard!!Wow it's really only hitting me now that I have to do my GCSE's and boy o boy i find that pretty darn scarey!

I have been thinking about my life and where I am now and to be honest yeh I'm content. Of course the same old stupid things bug me but when you sit back and look at the big picture life really isn't that bad!And ive been thinking what on earth would I do without God in my life guiding and protecting me??I find it really scarey to imagine life without my Saviour, I look at my non-Christian friends I really do not know how they live day to day because I wouldn't be able to get up out of bed in the morning without God esp. on those days when you can't be bothered with the devil and the work he does in the world.

Someone this week actually asked me seriously what I wanted to do with my life, I had no idea how to answer that question, I was stunned and I studdered!I mean i have dreams but my biggest ambition and dream is to live my life for God and God only!!He has a plan set out for me so why should I worry?I'm in safe hands, and yea i no this but of course I will worry it's part of my nature!lol

Today in assembley my VP read out a prayer and it touched me and made me focus on the things that matter in life here is the part that touched me it may not be totally correct but hey (goldfish memory sometimes!) Lord today help me to appreciate the sun in the sky that shines for when i swint I should be thankful for the sight you have given me, and Lord thank you for the strength you give me to be able to face the day and get out of my bed as there are many people who are unable to get out of bed!

So all I can say is when you think you're getting it bad think of all the people who would love to be in your shoes and living your life and pray for them, so that God will give them strength and the will to carry on!!Well it's kinda late and i have lots of work to do tomorrow!Sorry for not blogging for a while but i'll try to be more regular!lol

Lvya as always
xXx
But someone loves you more than I ever could!

Seeing things in a new light

2005-10-11T18:53:00.000+01:00

Hey all!

Wow i have been so busy lately!So how are you all?I hope you are ok!Well i was at the Michael.W.Smith and Delerious? concert!!It was AMAZING!!!I hadn't actually listened to either artists that much before the concert, but both were brilliant. Michael song a lot of my favourite songs and i had such a connection with God, read psalm 139. Michael also spoke about how we see God everyday....he used flying into Northern Ireland and the sun was shining, i mean here in NI and he could see the vast amount of green and he said he thought WOW that is God, he also used flying in over the Swiss Alps which was also breath-taking. This just reminded me to stop during the day and look for God and talk to him.

I was then listening to his CD on Sunday and the very first song on the CD was His Love Endures Forever and I thought about the lyrics and yes i was triey eyed!I mean God is going to be with us FOREVER there is nothing we can't do when he's with us we can defeat the Prince of Darkness!God sent his only Son for us, he lived to die and it was for us,human beings who trip up all the time. But he doesn't care he LOVES us beyond what we can imagine!!I don't know about you but that blows my mind away, and so does the word FOREVER there is no time limit its infinity!

I love these thoughts they are so comforting....i hope you feel inspired and try your hardest to live for him, I know that i'll be working and trying hard not to trip up again, i no i will but as long as we all give of our best and keep God as our number one he'll always be there to catch you, never forget that!

Well I hope this has made sense coz im multi-tasking here but talk to you all soon

Lvya all as always
xXx

Now broadcasting from my lap!

2005-09-30T15:40:00.000+01:00

Heyo!
Yes indeed I am now coming live to all of you from my very own laptop!how cool?I was so surprised, my dad came home from work and called me down later on last night and presented me with this lovely laptop-i'm so pleased!lol.

Well weren't Clay absolutely brilliant on Saturday!!(every1 who was there).I actually think that was the best I've ever heard them.They are really reaching people through their songs and ministry and I really admire them for that.I don't know about anyone else but i was really touched by the Holy Spirit through their songs, the song that touched me most was Broken from their previous album-things just seemed to click in my head and heart.Here are some of the lyrics:

I'm but dust
and I know I'm not much
but stil you came
and breathed life on me and
I feel so sore and I can't take much more,
but I'm trusting all of this is part of your plan.

Chorus
SO HERE I SIT
WHILE I'M BROKEN
LONGING FOR YOU
TO BE RIGHT HERE

The enemy's so cruel,
and he's playing me for a fool
so can't you please stand with me
I'm praying that you will pull me through
from this darkness that surrounds me

CHORUS

Of course I had listened to this songs a million times before and even sung along but I hadn't really thought about the lyrics, and something was just on my mind that night and I got comfort hearing this song!James (guartist and vocals) spoke really well something that touched my heart was that he spoke the truth-he was straight to the point and I admired him for that he stated, I'm sorry but I don't really mind/care if I hurt anyone's feelings coz I'm workin for God so what does it matter if a few feelings get hurt?This really spoke to me and I'm going to remember this when my Christianity and faith is getting put down.

So after all this it got me thinking.......(dangrous,I no) but if Clay through God/Holy Spirit could touch saved souls then they would be able to touch (deeply) unsaved souls, if that makes sense. SO to try and reach out to others I made posters about Clay's upcoming big gig in Whitewell and asked people to contact me if they wanted tickets (which are free!) and so far around 8 people have asked,but they have only been up since Tuesday so i hope God works in people and brings more!

Well I've went on long enough...if our youth group doesn't get tickets sorted out or whatever let me know and I'll get your name down!Or if anyone else reading this wants tickets don't hisitate to ask,just leave a comment or email,phone,text me!Have a good weekend

Lvya's as always
xXx

Purple Room

2005-09-18T21:48:00.000+01:00

Hello all!!
It has been ages since I last checked.The stress's of coursework have already hit.Anyway yes the purple room.....would be my little bedroom because as of now (for as long as poss) I have a computer in my room so all my posts will be live from here!!yey lol.Such an novelity but hey it is 4 me! I hope you are all ok. Just want to say Well Done Raffrey Youth Choir (that I am a part of) as we are becoming quite famous but all we do is for the Glory of God!It feels great to sing his prasies especially in the fellowship of many of my closest friends.God has blessed our church so much recently so big up to God. Well I have 2 rush on there wasn't really a point to this whole post but hey!Going on work placement 2morro AHHH!!lol but my 'boss' is a Christian man so it's all good.Talk soon
Lvya xXx

Back to the grindstone!lol

2005-09-01T19:51:00.000+01:00

Well yes my dear's it's back to big old school!!Don't ya ever wish we could get paid to go to school it would just make you want to go more!Well I suppose it's not that terrible,many people out there would love the oppourtunity to learn and get good grades.I don't know about many of you but I always dread the 1st day back,but I hate it more when everyone starts to talk behind everyone's back and gossip and judge each other!But now at the begining of this school year I have decided not to judge people so much I mean what's the point?That's God's job so why take on another responsabiltiy?Anyway I should try to reach out to these people instead of getting down on them because they need God as much as the next person.This pharse always comes into my mind...Your just 1 begger telling another begger where to find food.That always springs to mind when I go to judge someone.But anyway.....I hope you are all doing well and remember with all this school stuff it can get stressful so please give it all to God because there's no way you can survie alone!!!

Love ya always

xXx

Celebrate Christianity

2005-08-26T22:49:00.000+01:00

Do you ever feel that you have so much to do and so little time to do it with?I know i do esp. when school starts but even during the Summer we always seem to have something that NEEDS done.Have you ever stopped and just thought about God,and how great he is?I know that I haven't very often.But I really think I should start.God deserves ALL my time why don't I give it to him?Answer...the Devil distracts us from God and tempts us with all kinds of dark things!Well I'm ready for that to stop,why should I give my time to him?All he wants to do is hurt and destroy my life!!So I've decided to Celebrate my Christianity.How to do this??....I'm not totally sure?But God will guide me I know that for a fact.I think the best way to start maybe to read my bible which I don't do often enough,praise him through singing and dancing (which I love) or by just sitting in God's presence.Another way would be to get together with my other brothers and sisters (not meaning family but God family if you know what I mean,but both would be good to share this with) and share stories of how God has lead us on our journey so far and have a laugh!So what are you waiting for?Get out there and Celebrate Christianity!!!

Everything on earth,shout with joy to God!Sing about his glory!Make his praise glorious!Say to God, "Your works are amazing!Because your power is great,your enemies fall before you.All the earth worships you and sings praises to you.They sing praises to your name."Psalm chp66 v 1-4

lvya always xXx

Appearences

2005-08-25T22:32:00.000+01:00

Do you ever get really feed up with all the wonderful, beautiful stars you see on TV,in magazines and the net?To be honest we really shouldn't because they have been created in God's image the same as you and me. Appearences are so over-rated, whatever happened to inner beauty? I no saying that inner beauty is more important but we are so pressued to be in the current fashion,have the current computer accessiores etc.But none of these things matter!I have been effected by this whole issue a lot, I continuely put myself down because of my whole appearance,weight and sometimes even my personality.But what we (and me esp.) have to keep in mind is that God really doesn't care about this he created each of us with a piece of him.So if we put ourselves down then we are putting God down!!We just have to remember who we are living this whole journey for,ourselves or the one and only God?Too many countries have become superfical our we going to let ours be the same?I no I don't!!I'm not sure if any of this had made since but I felt i needed to write about because I struggle with it quite often and I suppose I need to learn from my own advice!

"Don't store treasures for yourselves here on earth where moths and rust will destroy them and thieves can break in and steal them.But store your treasures in heaven where they cannot be destroyed by moths or rust and where thieves cannot break in and steal them.Your heart will be where your treasure is."Matthew chp6 v19-21,Youth Bible

"And why do you worry about clothes? Look at how the lilies in the field grow.They don't work or make clothes for themselves. But I tell you that even Solomon with his riches was not dressed as beautifully as one of these flowers."Matthew chp6 v28-29,Youth Bible.

This has been short,sorry.Thanks again for bearing with me!!Rem. lvya always but someone else loves you beyond what you can believe!xXx

I'll Be Ok

2005-08-24T22:05:00.000+01:00

"I'll Be OK"

When everything is going wrong

And things are just a little strange

It's been so long now

You've forgotten how to smile.

And overhead the skies are clear

But it still seems to rain on you,

And your only friend all have

Better things to do.

[Chorus:]

When your down and lost

And you need a helping hand

When your down and lost

Along the way

Oh, just tell yourself

I, I'll be OK

Now things are only getting worse

And you need someone to take the blame

When your lover's gone

There's no-one to share the pain

I was in the car driving home from my drum lesson and this song came on. I found the lyric's really interesting, I mean they are quite reassuring lyric's it's as if they are singing it to their friends to tell them that they will ALWAYS be there for them. I just felt that this is what God is telling us no matter how low life gets and I know it really does get the lowest at times, but God the Savior who died for us wants to help us and guide us through. Because all pain caused on earth will never be as much as God suffered for us on Calvary. And everything happens for a reason sometimes the lowest times can touch other people when you feel ready to share and that could lead to others being saved!God can use you no matter how low you get he LOVES you he DIED for you why would he go through that for no reason?Yes it's hard for very many people to understand but it's TRUE it happened God LIVES today....but the question is are you ready to live your life with him there or a life of brokeness and lonliness?lvya as always xXx

Welcome!!

2005-08-24T16:18:00.000+01:00

Well this is just an intro 2 say hello!!And you are all very welcome to here my wee spot out in this huge world wide web!Please feel free to leave comments or questions and I'll reply if need be.Thanks for checking this out and I will talk to you all soon!!lvya xXx

I'm learning to let go...

Photography

Thankful.

Offer number one

Ben Stein from USA CBS

Two Realms

I'm not alright.

Roma

Sunday Christian

School...my favourite topic-NOT!

Captivating

Union Jack

Photo and Video Update

Moving on

Absence.

Dreaming

Czech and V7 bbq

Falling short...

Just thought I'd share....

Strangely peaceful....

Ponderings. Monasticism. Hayfever. Missing you.

Summerfest '07

Slightly Stressed would be an understatement

Random artistic craving...

Between the Trees...

Family

Amazing emense daight*!

Bag packing at sexy Sainsburys....

Planning for the future....

It's been a while...

4S's-Scared, Sick, Sleepy, Sore!

The Czech crazyness begins...

Easter Sunday....A story that will never be forgotten!

Good Friday...

Beautiful Day with my prayer quadriplet....

17th Birthday weekend...

Gratitude & Grace

Words,distracted,frustrated

All that you can't leave behind...

The Big One- Comic Relief

Comforting....

Five favourite quotes

The future...

Valentines Day-The Day of Love!

Perspective

Lost,distance and traps

Just a little....

Scared and Confused!

My best of 2006

What does Christmas mean to me?

Enjoying life....?!?

Just for you Paul....Lol!

Which seed am I?

What's enough?

Busy,Busy,Busy...

Grand Canyon Photo's

The Grand Canyon!

Dollars,deals and desert

Hurt (song/poem)

*Something new*

End of an era!

Restored

Green with Jealousy?

Where am I?

I randomly wanted 2 post this

Wow im getting good at this!

Just a really quick note

My first day of spring!

It's a New Year (well 21 days into a new year!)

So this is Christmas and what have you done?lol

Sorry I've neglected this!

Seeing things in a new light

Now broadcasting from my lap!

Purple Room

Back to the grindstone!lol

Celebrate Christianity

Appearences

I'll Be Ok

Welcome!!

Something new